Wanting to spare the heroine from an arranged marriage to an ogre, the hero suggests that he marries her and they elope. The heroine agrees, since she has had a tendre for the hero since she was a schoolgirl. Unfortunately, the 1754 Hardwick Marriage Act has stiffened the laws of marriage. The heroine hasn’t yet reached her majority and they can’t take the time to obtain a special license in London. Waiting for the banns to be called is out of the question, as that will take three weeks and the parents and ogre suitor will catch up with them long before then, even if they can obtain parental permission for the under age—under twenty-one—heroine. Their only alternative is to elope to Gretna Green in Scotland.
Unfortunately again, Scotland is close to four hundred miles away. They must hire a post chase or go on horseback and, because the journey will likely take more than a week to accomplish, they will have to stay overnight before they are married, unacceptable to these two proper—other than eloping—young people. The situation appears hopeless.
Except it isn’t. The hero has some friends amongst the fishermen who have told him about carrying an eloping couple to an alternative marriage location.
Eloping in Style
In approximately fifteen hours of sailing,
the eloping couple can reach one of the Channel Islands, mainly the Island of Guernsey. Evidence presents us with the knowledge that boats waited at Southampton, Hampshire, to carry eloping couples across the channel. Logic says Plymouth, Falmouth, and a few other southern ports just might have provided the same service.
Guernsey is closer to France than England. Although it belongs to England, many of the laws differ from those of England. The marriage laws are one of those even today.
So many couples eloped to Guernsey that tracking the history of residents of the island has proven difficult, for distinguishing those who simply arrived in St. Peter Port to get married in haste, from those who lived on the island and married in the same parish, isn’t easy two hundred years later. Genealogists have focused on whether or not couples later baptized their children in that same parish in order to trace ancestry to Guernsey.
Nowadays, one does not need a license to marry in a Church of England ceremony on Guernsey. One does need a license for a civil ceremony on Guernsey.
So if your couple finds themselves hundreds of miles from Gretna Green, they can hop onto a fishing boat, or perhaps the hero’s yacht, and sail across the Narrow Sea to a channel island. First, however, he might wish to ensure that the heroine doesn’t get seasick on the way.
An image. A photograph. Sometimes we take them for granted. We snap our phones so quickly, only to scroll through them for social posts or store them for infinity in clouds.
Does anyone remember having to take a roll of film out of a camera with care—rolling it up, taking it to be developed? Anyone remember what it felt like to wait to pick up the prints? Now we have so many at our fingertips that many of these images will never be opened again.
Technology has advanced, and we all walk around with a digital lens to analyze the world. Everyone can capture history or life with a click. And especially in our constantly moving 24-hour news cycle, images can start to lose their meaning. Of course, we begin to feel their value again when something like—oh, I don’t know—authoritarianism creeps in and tries to keep us from seeing things and asking questions.
Pictures are meant to help us save our moments. I saw one this week, that I can’t get out of my head. It’s not traumatic; it’s not painful. It’s lovely, very heartwarming. It’s of a ballerina and a dancer turned choreographer and teacher.
On October 22, 2025, Misty Copeland took her final bow with the American Ballet Theatre in New York. Misty came on stage for applause, and Debbie Allen—the icon—embraced her.
The moment stopped me. To see a legend embracing another legend—it’s powerful. It’s the kind of image that reminds you what legacy looks like. It says: You’ve finished this part of your journey, and the next part will be even better. You’ll touch more people, like I have. And you can also take a moment to rest and enjoy what you’ve accomplished. You can feel that warmth, that love, that encouragement radiating through the hug.
And honestly, in these times—when the government has shut down, when benefits are threatened, when healthcare costs could skyrocket, and so many people are drowning in anxiety—that kind of reassurance, that quiet “I’ve been there, and you’re going to be all right,” means the world.
This week, I went to the 21st Cavalcade in Chicago, hosted by my dear friend, author Lissa Woodson. It was a reunion of sorts—people who were there at the very beginning of my writing journey came, as well as many new faces just starting theirs. It was a good time full of hugs and laughs. Dear author buddy and Fun Friday Girl, Pat Simmons, arrived and brought even more fun. I snapped a selfie of us.
Panya, one of my dear friends from college, came, and we shared dinner, more laughter, and stories about our children, husbands, and our global lives. Every small moment is to be savored and captured—not only on phones but in our hearts and minds. And I had the waiter snap a photo of us.
A big part of the Cavalcade is being at the convention center and interfacing with the public. All of us, regardless of the stage of our careers—indie, hybrid, or traditional—we all hustled. We all tried to get someone to listen and maybe make a sale.
Oh, the memories this brings back.
And I hope the new authors there felt welcomed and hugged upon. I want them to know: Hey, it may be rocky right now, but it’s going to be all right.
And let me just say this: Author MarZé Scott gives the best hugs known to humankind. I’m convinced she’s secretly a chiropractor because she hugs you just right. You don’t just feel safe—you feel loved, deeply loved, and spine-straightened—even if you’ve only just met. That’s a rare gift: to be medicinal, maternal, and downright cool. I hope she knows how special it is to receive her hug and the impression she leaves with everyone she embraces.
Lissa snapped our picture. I’m grateful for each picture, each moment captured now and forever. These stills remind me of the love, the connection, the humanity we share. We’re moving into the holiday season—Thanksgiving’s on the horizon. It’s time to donate hugs—give to food pantries, check in on people who might be lonely or forgotten. Share your time. Everyone’s going through something. And this season, we need to be a little kinder, a little more forgiving.
That’s the power of a hug. It wrings out the bitterness from the soul and leaves space for goodness.
Now, I’ve added to my phone those pictures of Debbie Allen and Misty Copeland hugging. I even went scrolling to see if Debbie hugged Shonda Rhimes—I’m pretty sure they did offstage at their recent Atlanta/Dekalb meet-up to celebrate The Year of Yes. If not for the Cavalcade, I would’ve been at Shonda’s tour stop.
My Year of Yes was 2019, which began my journey into writing historical fiction—finally taking the stories I’d grown up hearing or stumbled upon in research and actually writing them. Before my Year of Yes, I’d been told by agents and editors that there was no interest in historical novels that singularly focused on Black women—particularly of Caribbean descent—as the heroes of their own lives. I’m very proud to have birthed three such novels into the world (Island Queen, Sister Mother Warrior, Queen of Exiles) and to be about to birth a fourth: Fire Sword and Sea, coming January 13, 2026.
Yet, as I look out at the world, I think we need more hugs—more soft places to land—as the landscape keeps shifting and going backward, where the needle of what’s important or print-worthy is dictated by algorithms and viral images on social media.
So in this season, when patience runs thin, when anxiety is high and irritation is always just around the corner—find those huggers. Let them give you a good embrace. Let it cleanse your soul a little. And as always, hug your writer friends. Let them know that there is more good road ahead for their feet—and their keyboards—to follow.
Today List of books is for the huggers:
Year of Yes: 10th Anniversary Edition by Shonda Rhimes — In this expanded edition, the bestselling TV-creator reflects on how saying “yes” changed her life and invites readers to step into their own.
Stop in the Name of Loveby Naleighna Kai and U.M. Hiram — An emotionally charged romance where passion collides with faith, family, and hard choices that test both heart and conscience.
King Of South Shoreby MarZé Scott — A secretive millionaire real-estate mogul’s romance could end before things really get started.
Dancing in the Wings by Debbie Allen is a lovely children’s book that loosely is based on the actress’s own experiences as a young dancer.
Contempt by Pat Simmons — Grandma BB orchestrates a practice funeral for the Jamieson clan, but unexpected surprises and an uninvited guest turn the evening into a lively, unforgettable family gathering.
Consider purchasing Fire Sword and Sea from FoxTale or one of my partners in the fight, bookstore’s large and small who are in this with me.
We are less three months away the January 13th release. Please spread the word and preorder this adventure about Caribbean women pirates of the 1600s. Piracy is legal. It’s their escape, and answer to prayer. And remember to get collector cards with your preorder. Then tell me, who’s on your crew?
Show notes include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast.
You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, VanessaRiley.com under the podcast link in the About tab.
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Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you’ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley.
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Hi everyone, Naomi here today, talking about real-life love, and ready to have some fun with it!
So often in romance novels, especially Regency romances, a couple is thrust together and sometimes even forced to marry due to circumstances beyond their control. In fact, I’m finishing a novel now where indeed, the hero and heroine are caught together in an unbecoming manner, and you guessed it: there’s wedding bells ringing by halfway through the story. It doesn’t matter that they’re not in love and didn’t want to marry, by the end of the book they’ll be head-over-heels for one another.
But that’s one of the wonderful things about fiction: everything always works out in the end.
If only real life always turned out so well. Unfortunately our lives seem to go the exact opposite direction from those of our romance novel counterparts. In society today, we meet, fall in love, get married, and then fall out of love and get unmarried in almost less time than we spend on the love and wedding stuff. No one forces us to marry because we get caught kissing or sneaking off to enjoy a few private moments of conversation. Yet how does our divorce rate compare to that of Regency England?
Yikes! Probably better not look to closely at that one. So amidst this month of June with all its wedding bells and happily-ever-afters. Let’s take a quick look at three principles that can help keep romance alive in our real-life marriages.
1. Spend time together. You might think this one rather obvious. After all, at one point, you and your hubby spent a whole lot of time together . . . back when he was your future hubby or first dating you. But somehow, as the years pass, you each become busy with different things. Working, raising kids, buying a house, making improvements to the house, carting your kids to soccer and ballet, and the list goes on. Yet it’s still important that you spend time together. Hire a babysitter for one night a month. Or feed your kids hotdogs and put them to bed early once every couple weeks. Then make (or buy, if you’re me) a nice dinner for your husband.
2. Pay attention. Every woman wants to feel that her husband loves her. But on the flip side, women also need to ask themselves whether they make their husbands feel loved. Do you know when he has a bad day at work or a mountain of chores to do at home? Or do you let him live his own life until you need something from him? One of the easiest ways to pay attention is to greet him when he gets home. Whether he’s been at work or running errands, put down the phone, spatula or laundry basket, and call your kids away from their toys or the TV to greet their dad. If you make your man feel like he’s important to you, I’m betting he’ll reciprocate and show his wonderful wife how important she is to him.
3. Say thank you. Having a general attitude of gratefulness toward the man you married can do miracles for your relationship. Of course you’re grateful that he pays some (or all) of the bills and takes the trash out on trash night. But do you tell him “thank you” or simply take for granted that he’ll work endless hours?
Now let’s take the situation a step farther. Regardless of how wonderful a wife you are, there will always be those busy times when you ask for help with sweeping or putting the kids to bed or doing the dishes or any other number of household tasks. When your husband takes time out of his busy schedule to help you, do you thank him? Or do you look at the kitchen floor, see a dog hair in the corner, and tell him he didn’t do a good enough job sweeping? Try to be grateful for the effort your husband puts into helping rather than pick out his imperfections.
So there you have it. Three simple ideas. None of them are dramatic or life altering, but if you work hard at loving your husband, you might just might find real life turning out as wonderful as the lives of all those romance novel heroines.
****
A mother of two young boys, Naomi Rawlings spends her days picking up, cleaning, playing and, of course, writing. Her husband pastors a small church in Michigan’s rugged Upper Peninsula, where her family shares its ten wooded acres with black bears, wolves, coyotes, deer and bald eagles. Naomi and her family live only three miles from Lake Superior, where the scenery is beautiful and they average 200 inches of snow per winter. Naomi writes bold, dramatic stories containing passionate words and powerful journeys. Her debut novel, Sanctuary for a Lady, released in April of 2012. For more information about Naomi and her writing, visit www.naomirawlings.com
Whoever thinks romance and love matches didn’t exist before the 20th century ignores a lot of evidence to the contrary. If women of all strata of society from seamstresses to young ladies of the ton read novels which featured heroines pitted against alluring yet somewhat menacing men, where virtue and love triumphed in the end, this means they must have had a desire for romance. They not only took to reading but to writing novels themselves. Selina Davenport’s 1824 novel Preference, is a typical romance with a properly happy ending. She wrote 11 novels between 1814-1832. Other female authors of the period besides Jane Austen who wrote about love triumphing were Amelia Opie, Maria Edgeworth, and sisters Anna Maria and Jane Porter.
The evangelical writer Hannah More wrote, “Is a woman in low spirits? Let her console herself by writing a novel. Is she ill? Bored? Unhappily situated? Let her pour it all out into a novel.”* Do I detect a little sarcasm?
Almack's
Despite a young woman’s yearnings for love and romance, the regency period was governed by rules of etiquette. Numerous books were written to young men and women on the subject of how to behave in public—especially with the opposite sex. After the licentiousness of the Georgian era, the Regency period saw a rise of Evangelicalism, which stressed that women were the arbiters of morality, and it was part of their duty to make sure they didn’t tempt men, or fall victims to men’s baser instincts. Whereas in high society it was common for a man to have a mistress, an unmarried young lady must keep herself chaste and above any appearance of misbehavior. On the Marriage Mart, a woman’s purity was her highest asset.
For this reason courtship for a young lady meant being chaperoned whenever she went out (and, of course, never receiving a gentleman caller on her own). A gentleman had to ask for an introduction to meet a young lady he was interested in. After her official coming out into society, a young lady enjoyed the grown-up entertainments of balls, assemblies, concerts and other musical events, all to see and be seen. But everything was done in public. A young lady could never be alone with a young man who was not a family member or otherwise closely associated with the family.
Although parents desired a “suitable match” for their children, this did not mean strictly arranged marriages—for the most part. There is ample evidence in novels and correspondence of marriages based on love and mutual respect.
Princess and Prince at the opera National Portrait Gallery London
The most important love match of the era was that of the Prince Regent’s daughter Charlotte to a minor German prince, Leopold of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld. Even though her father and the British government had been negotiating her marriage to Prince William of Orange (the future king of the Netherlands), Princess Charlotte met young Leopold in the Czar’s entourage when the czar and his sister came to London during the summer of 1814. Eventually, the princess broke off her official engagement to the Dutch royal prince, causing all kinds of diplomatic furor and married her German prince on May 2, 1816, to the enthusiasm of the British people. They understood a love match. From all accounts it was a happy—though brief—marriage, since she died shortly after giving birth to their first child after only a year of marital bliss.
Matchmaking as shown in Emma also shows that romance was alive and well in the regency era. Jane Austen wrote, “Anything is to be preferred or endured, rather than marrying without Affection.”
Vauxhall Gardens
* Our Tempestuous Day by Carolly Erickson, William Morrow and Co., 1986, New York
Gentle Readers, I’d like to take a moment to introduce you to the newest member of the Regency Reflections family! You can learn more about Kristy L. Cambron on the Blog Editor bio page. We’re so excited to have her with us. Welcome, Kristy!
The ball at Netherfield, Pride and Prejudice (2005)
I love the power of dance to drop a layer of enchantment over a room.
I can recall one of the first things I said to my husband on our wedding reception dance floor. The lights had been dimmed and as the notes of our special song played, I whispered: “And my dance card will always be full...”
I meant it. For all the years my husband and I would share after that moment, I knew my future dances would always have a special partner.
Stunning dresses. Dapper gentlemen. Ladies hidden behind their fans. Lively music and sophisticated steps… Today that all-important first dance may be synonymous with the wedding celebration, but the Regency ballroom was just as alive with color and spirit as our reception dance floors are today.
Or dare I say, more so?
Though weddings were primarily private family affairs in the Regency (as opposed to the social events we see today), ballrooms and wedding parties alike were brought to life by vivid dance reels and lively music. After all, the ball was the social event by which all others were judged. Moreover, to grasp a partner’s hand in dance was often the only socially acceptable touch between an unmarried man and woman.
Affection was born and engagements followed, all over the steps of the most popular dances of the day…
~ The Cotillion
Distinguishing characteristics: Originated in France during the 18th century. Includes four couples dancing in square formations with elaborate steps and changing partners. French for petticoat, the term cotillion was said to have been coined after the flash of petticoats that could be seen as partners swiftly changed on the dance floor.
Interesting Fact: Georgette Heyer’s historical romance, Cotillion (1953), is one of her much loved Regency novels. Though a generally cheery novel, the title is mirrored in a story that centers around the overlapping love lives of four couples (much like the steps of the cotillion dance itself).
~ TheQuadrille
Distinguishing characteristics: Another dance import from France. Similar to the cotillion, it includes four couples dancing in square sets but omits the repeating “chorus” dance. Was later combined with the popular waltz to form a hybrid of the two dances, the Waltz Cotillion (as seen in this video – click HERE).
Interesting fact: Introduced early in the Regency and immensely popular by 1815, the quadrille was a very lively dance that often adapted music from stage plays and was thought to be quite flirtatious at the time. A form of the quadrille can still be seen today in modern day square dancing.
~ La Boulanger
Distinguishing characteristics: A simpler dance for three couples. Often used as the last dance of the evening at a ball or party.
Interesting fact: As many dances could include quite intricate steps, dance masters were often hired by wealthier families to educate their children on the art of the popular dances. (A very popular dance master of the day was Thomas Wilson, who published many influential books on the art of dancing and etiquette.) For you Jane Austen fans, la Boulanger was a favorite of the authoress and was a dance declared by name in her novels.
~ TheWaltz
Distinguishing characteristics: First popular in Vienna (1780s) but introduced to the English ballroom during the Regency. New sensation but slow to catch on because of the “closeness” enjoyed by two dancing partners.
Interesting fact: The waltz caused a bit of a scandal when it first popped onto the English ballroom scene around 1810. Because of the close proximity shared by two dancing partners, the embrace was thought improper and in fact, was often ridiculed by early opponents. In 1825, the Oxford English Dictionary actually defined the waltz as “riotous and indecent”. (Boyd Hilton, A Mad, Bad, and Dangerous People? England 1783–1846 (Oxford U P 2006).
Feet tapping for more references? Here are some good ones:
Click [HERE] to see an example of a stunning Regency Era ball gown.
Click [HERE] to hear samples of Regency Era dance music.
Click [HERE] to learn more about Regency dances from the Jane Austen Centre at Bath.
Whether it was one of the English country dances with the fun names (such as the “Teasing Made Easy”) or the classic Minuet, our Regency friends certainly knew how to fill up their dance cards.
LaurieAlice: I’ve known Louise for many years and know she is her own worst critic. She is hard on herself in describing her own work. Let me assure you, this is truly a Regency romance.
Meet Louise M. Gouge
Interview Questions with Louise Gouge:
LAE: What drew you to write during the Regency Time Period?
Louise: I know it’s an old answer, but I just love Jane Austen’s classic books, so I wanted to try my hand at a Regency story. The strict social and moral codes seem to make happiness for a hero and heroine next to impossible. Can my couple who come from different social classes find true love in spite of all the social restrictions they face? Well, of course. It’s a romance. But can I make it an interesting journey along the way? That’s the challenge that Jane Austen met with success every time, in my opinion. I can only hope to do the same.
LAE: Tell us what year your book is set in and why you chose that particular time.
Louise: My book begins in late 1813 and ends in early 1814. My hero, a British major, has been wounded in the American War, which England was fighting at the same time they were fighting Napoleon (as was the rest of Europe). But the battle my hero fights to find his place in English society is every bit as difficult as the struggle he found in America. I chose this particular time period because I think wartimes always make interesting backdrops for romances.
A Proper Companion by Louise M. Gouge
LAE: What’s your favorite, unique Regency aspect of the novel, something you wouldn’t be able to include in a novel set in another place or time?
Louise: Actually, I can’t think of a single thing. I’m too new at writing in this period to know all of the clever little stuff. (This is my first full-length Regency.) I must have some nerve, right? But I hope readers will find my hero and heroine compelling and will enjoy their pathway to happily ever after.
LAE: What are the biggest challenges to writing in the Regency Period?
Louise: Regency readers are very particular and knowledgeable about the era. I try very hard not to make a mistake, but I’m sure something has slipped through that I wasn’t aware of. Still, no one has slammed me so far. If I do make an error, I hope readers will gently inform me!
LAE: Who is your favorite Regency Author?
Louise: Much to my shame, I haven’t read any of the old Regency authors who really established the genre, which may be the reason I don’t know those unique things about the era. I do enjoy the stories by my fellow Love Inspired Historical authors: Regina Scott, Mary Moore, and Deborah Hale. From other publishers, I love Laurie Alice Eakes, MaryLu Tyndall, and Linore Rose Burkard.
LAE: What is your favorite Regency setting; e.g., London, country house, small village?
Louise: I like both the country manor house (with its village) and the London townhouse. The lavish homes in either place just stagger me, especially when one considers the poverty that existed barely a stone’s throw from either home.
LAE: What makes your hero and heroine uniquely Regency?
Louise: Other than the historical events taking place in the background, I actually think my hero and heroine’s story could be set in a rather wide span of English history from mid-Eighteenth Century to well into the Victorian age, perhaps even touching the Edwardian age. The main conflicts separating my would-be sweethearts are the societal structure and hero’s lack of career options. In England, these were basically unchanged for centuries, as we can see in the recent BBC television series, Downton Abbey.
LAE: Tell us about your book.
Louise:A Proper Companion, With her father’s death, Anna Newfield loses everything—her home, her inheritance, and her future. Her only piece of good fortune is a job offer from wounded major Edmond Grenville, whose mother requires a companion. The Dowager Lady Greystone is controlling and unwelcoming, but Anna can enjoy Edmond’s company, even if she knows the aristocratic war hero can never return her love. Even amid the glittering ballrooms of London, nothing glows brighter for Edmond than Anna’s gentle courage. Loving her means going against his family’s rigid command. Yet how can he walk away when his heart may have found its true companion?
LAE: When did your novel release and with what publisher?
Louise:A Proper Companion, from Harlequin’s Love Inspired Historicals, released in June 2012.
About Louise: Award-winning Florida author Louise M. Gouge writes historical fiction, calling her stories “threads of grace woven through time.” In addition to numerous other awards, Louise is the recipient of the prestigious Inspirational Readers’ Choice Award for her 2005 novel, Hannah Rose. With her great love of history and research, Louise has traveled to several of her locations to ensure the accuracy of her stories’ settings. When she isn’t writing, she and her husband love to visit historical sites and museums. Her favorite Bible verse is “He shall choose our inheritance for us” (Psalm 47:4), a testimony to her belief that God has chosen a path for each believer. To seek that path and to trust His wisdom is to find the greatest happiness in life. Read about Louise’s books at her Web site http://blog.Louisemgouge.com
For a chance to win A Proper Companion by Louise M. Gouge, leave a comment. We will draw a winner on June 20, 2012. Be sure to check back on this comment thread on that date to find out who won.
Do you remember the first Jane Austen novel you ever read?
My first Jane Austen novel was an illustrated edition of Sense and Sensibility. I was hooked after only one chapter! And it was not only the colorful descriptions and witty dialogue that drew me in—I remember being fascinated but the accompanying illustrations. I know longer own my first copy of Sense and Sensibility, but to this day, I recall the illustrations in vivid detail.
One of the most celebrated illustrators of Jane Austen novels was Charles Edmund Brock. Brock lived from 1870-1938 and is widely recognized for his illustrations and line drawings of novels by Bronte, Elliot, Thackery, and many more. Even though Brock did not live during the regency period, he had a unique ability to capture the essence of the period in his illustrations. Here are a few well-known illustrations for you to enjoy:
Sense & Sensibility:
As a writer, the greatest gift I can offer a reader is the ability to feel. Love, anger, or the powerful sense of being seen—my books come with an implicit promise. I intend to transport you, enlighten you, and to invite you to inhabit someone else’s shoes. You will tread in their footsteps, see through their eyes, and be consumed by their emotions. This is my gift, my bond with my readers.
I truly believe all writers are empaths at heart. That’s why last week was especially hard—a whirlwind of emotions and memories, crashing upon me at the same time.
In Atlanta, a rare snowstorm—an event last seen a decade ago—brought the city to a standstill. At the same time, the world paused to honor President Jimmy Carter, a man synonymous with empathy and kindness. He was my first president, well the first I can actually remember. The plain spoken, proud son of Georgia, gave the world a lifetime of service. His passing like his presidency, brought together people across political divides, reminding us of the compassion that once defined leadership.
On the other coast, in California, a cruel trifecta of fire, wind, and drought ignited devastating wildfires. Over 20,000 acres have burned in the Palisades Fire. You know the names—Malibu, Mandeville Canyon, Brentwood, and the hills of Encino and Tarzana. The Fires in Eaton which includes devasted generational communities of Pasadena and Altadena–have been hit with significant property damage. The Hurst, Kenneth, Archer and Lidia Fires still rage at the time of this recording.
We’ve Seen This All Before
Throughout history, natural disasters have tested human resilience:
* 1556: The Shaanxi Earthquake in China claimed 830,000 lives, the deadliest recorded.
* 1692: The Port Royal Earthquake and tsunami destroyed two-thirds of the “Wickedest City on Earth,” killing over 2,000. Neighboring islands sent organized looters.
* 1815: Mount Tambora erupted in modern-day Indonesia, leading to the “Year Without a Summer” and a global death toll of 80,000–100,000.
* 1900: The Great Galveston Hurricane killed as many as 12,000.
* 1931: The China Flood led to approximately 4 million deaths from drowning, starvation, and disease.
* 1970: Cyclone Bhola in Bangladesh caused over 300,000 deaths.
* 2004: The Indian Ocean Tsunami killed over 230,000 people across 14 countries.
* 2005: Hurricane Katrina left 1,800 dead and caused $161 billion in damages, with long-term displacement of residents.
* 2010: The Haiti Earthquake caused over 222,000 deaths and displaced over 1.3 million people.
* 2011: The Tōhoku Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan triggers the Fukushima nuclear disaster and kills over 19,000 people.
* 2017: Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico caused 2975 deaths and massive infrastructure failures. Puerto Rico was left without power, water, or basic services for months.
* 2017: Hurricane Harvey in Texas wreaked havoc, leaving thousands dead and causing $125 billions in damages.
2024 Hurricane Helene
Hurricane Helene devastated six Southern states from September 24–29, 2024, claiming at least 236 lives. Entire towns in the far inland mountains of North Carolina—Chimney Rock Village, Marshall, and Hot Springs—were essentially washed away by floods.
Helene’s damage was personal. It struck my hometown of Aiken, South Carolina—a small town known for horse racing and Refrigerator Perry of the Chicago Bears. My aunt and cousins were without power for almost a week. The massive oak outside the 5-and-dime store where I had my first job was ripped from the concrete sidewalk by the storm’s ferocious winds. When I visited Aiken in December, two months after the hurricane, the town still bore the scars. Fallen trees littered the landscape, and many roads and houses remained in disrepair.
Miss me with the idea that this is what we deserved. Miss me with the craven spirit that left people frightened and hopeless, thinking no help was coming because this disaster unfolded during a contentious political season.
No place or community is immune to catastrophe. Each disaster brings grief, rebuilding, and, most importantly, a need for solidarity. But are we up to the task? Increasingly, a spirit of division and disdain seems to overshadow the empathy we once showed in times of tragedy. Have we lost our humanity?
Going Back to Cally
Over 180,000 people have been evacuated, and at least 10 lives have been lost in the fires ravaging California. Sadly, that number will likely rise once the flames are contained. But how do we contain the blaze consuming our humanity? Instead of unity, many are quick to condemn, point fingers, or dismiss the devastation as a plight of wealthy Malibu residents or Hollywood elites.
When disaster strikes the rich and famous, cynics are eager to believe they deserved it. But what about places like Chimney Rock or Aiken or other less affluent communities devastated by storms? Did they deserve it? Are you saying the God you believe in has condemned them as well? Tragedy doesn’t discriminate based on wealth, geography, or political allegiance.
Empathy isn’t about whether someone “deserves” to suffer. It’s about recognizing our shared humanity in the face of catastrophe.
Consider this: the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) is funded by taxes from both blue and red states. Blue states, often with liberal politics, contribute the most to federal aid, including FEMA dollars. Meanwhile, red states, more prone to natural disasters, tend to receive more federal funding relative to what they contribute. Could it be that we need each other?
If we let division overshadow compassion, we risk eroding the foundation that binds us as a nation. We are called to love our neighbors as ourselves. But here’s the question: when was the last time you chose to love someone as much as you love yourself?
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Atlanta’s and Texas’s Snowmageddon
Ten years ago, on January 28, 2014, Atlanta experienced a rare snowstorm—just two-and-a-half inches of snow turned interstates into parking lots. People were stranded for hours, some overnight. Weather advisories had warned of impending danger, but when the morning came with no snow on the ground and no sleet in the air, most assumed the storm had passed.
I remember leaving my house around 9 a.m. for a dental appointment. By 10 a.m., I had clean teeth but could barely drive home. Tragically, 13 people lost their lives. Life can change quickly, as that day reminded us. Eventually, we thawed out and survived being the butt of jokes for months.
Fast forward to 2022, during Winter Storm Uri in Texas. Extreme cold, snow, and power outages swept across the state, taking over 210 lives. While government officials argued and finger-pointed, neighbors stepped up. Families opened their homes, sharing warmth and shelter. I used Instacart to send water to friends who had no running supply.
In both of these “snowmageddons,” a profound truth emerged: empathy surged. People helped people. Compassion triumphed over adversity. These moments remind us of our capacity to care, even in the harshest conditions.
Back to Finger Pointing
The news has already shifted its focus in Los Angeles to looters, sidestepping the stories of everyday people who lost their homes or whose retirement facilities were reduced to ashes. Instead, we see blame placed on budget cuts and political decisions. Meanwhile, the unregulated cesspools of Facebook groups are busy mocking “Hollyweird” and spinning the tragedy into another divisive narrative.
I hope in my heart that for every negative story circulated, there are countless acts of kindness—neighbors helping neighbors, communities checking on the most vulnerable, and strangers opening their homes to those in need.
We still have power in these moments. We can step away from toxic conversations. We can amplify stories of love and solidarity instead of hatred and blame.
The goal isn’t to deepen division but to remind ourselves of what’s at stake. We need to care for one another, not because of where we live but because we all share this human experience.
It is possible—to mourn together, to heal together, and to rebuild together. If we can’t, can we at least choose silence—do the quiet “thoughts and prayers” thing we do when there’s a mass shooting?
What Should We Do?
If we choose to mourn and heal together, we must:
* Speak with empathy.
* Listen actively.
* Offer comfort to those in need.
As Proverbs 16:24 reminds us, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Listening is helping. Platitudes are cheap. Empathy heals.
What Books Can We Read
As a book girly, I’ll make some recommendations:
* A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis: A deeply personal account of loss and healing.
On January 9, 2025, President Carter’s casket was welcomed at the snow-capped National Cathedral, a grand limestone church with arches, ribbed vaults, flying buttresses, and over 200 stained-glass windows, including one containing a moon rock from Apollo 11.
The Rt. Rev. Mariann Budde presided as Carter’s casket was ushered into the cathedral, observed by dignitaries and all living presidents. Her words echoed: “Let us also pray for all who mourn, that they may cast their care on God and know the consolation of his love.”
Later that day, the same casket would find its way into the humble pine wood church, Maranatha Baptist, in Plains, Georgia. There, a simpler service with familiar faces—friends and neighbors Carter had known all his life—would gather to say goodbye.
In both services, one grand and the other modest, there will likely be a shared refrain: Jimmy Carter’s faith mirrored American ideals, particularly the belief that “we are all created equal in the image of God.”
We are all created equally. We face suffering equally. Whether the wind howls, the rain menaces, the earth quakes, or fires rage, destruction and loneliness do not discriminate. To move closer to a more perfect union, we must embrace empathy. It is my hope that in places as different as rich limestone cathedrals and honest pinewood chapels, empathy and humanity can coexist.
I challenge all writers to help restore empathy in the world.
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Don’t you just love that phrase, “How to …”? How-to books, advice columns, lists of do’s and don’ts abound. God’s word has much great advice, and “secrets” abound, especially about loving. For example, Ephesians 4:32:
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Since this one passage is so rich with gems for loving our husbands, let’s go no further.
Be kind to him. Choose kindness, even when he doesn’t earn or deserve it. Think back to how you both showed each other your best during courtship and engagement, were you ever sour, moody, or impatient then?
Be tenderhearted toward him and his failings. Love covers a multitude of sins (failings), so “put on the love cover”(1Peter 4:8) when your husband’s weaknesses affect you. An unexpected smile can go a long way toward softening hearts.
A forgiving attitude will bring peace of mind and peace in your marriage. Try forgiving in advance and not even entering into a dispute or criticism though you are in the right. He will be so relieved that you “let him off the hook”. You will be amazed at the peace that will dwell in your relationship. This forgiving in advance is sometimes called forbearance. God’s forbearing love chose us to be his children, and we should not aspire to anything less.
… This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. Romans 3: 25b
Just touching on scripture’s rich words on forbearing love can inspire us to imitate Christ’s love toward our God-given husbands. Forgiving in advance is a mighty tool from God to improve our marriages.
Everyone screws up occasionally. The epicness of your less than perfect moment can often be tied to the significance and size of the event at which it occurs. Stepping on your hairbrush and wiping out in your bathroom can be excessively painful, but the embarrassment factor is rather low. Tumbling down the ramp at your high school graduation can haunt you for the rest of your life, leading the highlight reel at every class reunion.
Photo via Wiki Commons
Kristi here and there is perhaps no grander stage to mess up on than a wedding. Emotions are high, stress abounds, and months (sometimes years) of careful planning is being set in motion. While everyone is praying for four perfect hours of ceremony and reception, that is rarely the case.
Check around on YouTube or watch a few episodes of America’s Funniest Videos and you’ll be able to start a list of common wedding maladies:
The Fainter
Photo via Wiki Commons
Sometimes it’s the groom, often it’s a groomsman. Every now and then it’s the bride. Funniest one I’ve ever seen? The priest.
If you go to a lot of weddings, you’ve probably seen a fainter. They start to blink and then sway just a bit and then next thing you know, their knees give way and everyone does their best impression of dominos. (By the way, if you’re in a wedding make sure you eat breakfast that morning and don’t lock your knees. That lessens your chances of becoming the fainter!)
You can see some great faints in this video. Most of them are from weddings.
The Wayward Kid
I have considerable experience with this one. I was one.
As the flower girl for my cousin’s wedding, I thought I was hot stuff. Unfortunately, I almost became really hot stuff when I became curious about what would happen if I stepped on the base of an enormous candelabra. No, I didn’t burn the church down, but I think I caused a moment or two of horror.
Photo via Wiki Commons
Kids are adorable and make for some really cute pictures, but they are also unpredictable. You never know when they’ll decide to eat the flower petals or obtain a massive case of stage fright.
The Guests
There are many other opportunities to embarrass yourself at a wedding (and given the propensity of brides to hire photographers and videographers, these moments are captured for posterity). Even if you are only a guest, you aren’t immune to being caught up in the wedding disaster hall of fame. Dance floor escapades, bouquet toss brawls, and unplanned toasts are all fodder for the awkward situation generator.
Got a few guests who’ve indulged too much at the open bar? The chances of chagrin inducing capers increase exponentially.
My Altar Moment
Me and My Hubby, nine years ago
I have to say, though, that I’ve never heard of someone else having the same experience as I did. I’ve heard of flubbed up vows, tongue-tied grooms, and ministers forgetting their notes, but I think I’m fairly unique in my story.
Fortunately, it wasn’t me, although I nearly caught the giggles, which would have made the rest of the ceremony very difficult.
What happened? Well, the minister called my husband a woman. He said, “Do you, Kristi, take this woman…” I very nearly lost it. In his defense, the poor man was very nervous. As a dear friend of the family, he was worried about making a mistake in the middle of the wedding. And then he did.
His own daughter is getting married this weekend. I don’t think he’s officiating the ceremony.
What about you?
Have you been to a wedding where things didn’t quite go as planned? What hilarity ensued at your own wedding?
There are many other opportunities to embarrass yourself at a wedding (and given the propensity of brides to hire photographers and videographers, these moments are captured for posterity). Even if you are only a guest, you aren’t immune to being caught up in the wedding disaster hall of fame. Dance floor escapades, bouquet toss brawls, and unplanned toasts are all fodder for the awkward situation generator.