What is real romance? Is it roses and chocolates, Diamonds and furs? Does the more money he spends on you measure how much he loves you?
I remember back in the beginning of my marriage I just wanted my husband to give me thoughtful gifts. He hated buying for me because he didn’t think he could please me. He couldn’t understand I only wanted him to put some thought in the selection. I love to give gifts. Buying just the right gift for my family and friends is a joy for me. For others like my husband it is a hated chore.
I told my husband more than once Roses are nice but it would mean more to me if you picked me wild flowers. I spent a lot of frustrated years trying to get him to understand it’s not the gift, it’s the thought behind it.
In the early days of our marriage Western clothes and accessories were in. (Dating myself here). We had just left a western store filled with beautiful clothes and jewelry. He was complaining about not knowing what to get me for Christmas. I told him, “Anything you pick out for me in this store I will love.” Can you see my mistake? I couldn’t wait for Christmas. Imagine my surprise when I opened the box with the western store’s logo and found, not a long flowing white skirt to wear with my boots or a set of silver earrings with a bracelet to match, but a belt buckle with my initial on it. I tried not to let him see my disappointment because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I am sure you all have similar stories.
I am happy to say it only took twenty years to finally make him understand. For years I got roses for Valentine’s Day or my Birthday. They were nice, but where’s the thought in that? Then one year in October on my birthday I came home from work to find Black Eyed Susan petals (my very own special birthday flowers from God every year) scattered in a path from my front door to the kitchen table leading to a mason jar filled with a bouquet of the yellow flowers. It didn’t matter I had to clean up the twigs and leaves scattered over the floor. It was the best birthday ever and he was so proud of himself.
For Christmas that year he stayed on a roll. He bought me a sleeping bag. Don’t laugh. It was neon green, my favorite color. So far that is the best Christmas gift I’ve received from him. He has bought me diamonds and roses and many other expensive gifts over the years and I do love them but the most romantic memories will always be of scattered petals and a bright green sleeping bag, because he finally stepped out of his comfort zone and thought to himself, I think she’ll like this.
Images courtesy of morguefile.com. No attribution required.
Cards were already a popular custom for all classes by regency times. Most were home-and-handmade from plain to fancy, depending on what the sender could afford. Fancier ones might include gilt-edged paper and real lace (paper lace didn’t come into production until later in the century). Woodcuts or copperplate engraved cards existed but this process was still hand-done and thus time-consuming, so mass-produced cards didn’t come on the market until the 1820s. This coincided with the standardization of the postal system, making sending cards cheaper.
For those who had trouble with a rhyme, there were publications called “Valentine writers,” chock full of ready-made verses for gentlemen to use. Some even contained poetical replies for ladies to use.
Everybody’s Valentine Writer; or True Lover’s Notebook; and Kemmish’s Annual and Universal Valentine Writer, or the Lover’s Instructor were a couple published in England in the late 18th century.
A sample of a lady’s reply to a gentleman’s verse, from Everybody’s Valentine Writer:
To a Gentleman
With proverbs, sir, I see you play;
With proverbs, too, I answer nay—
The Language of Flowers
Although special significance of flowers became most popular in Victorian times, lovers’ messages through flowers was already seen in regency times. Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, wife of the British ambassador to the Ottoman Empire , described a “secret language of flowers,” when her letters home were published posthumously in 1763. This language was a form of Turkish and Persian poetry called selam, which used words that rhymed with flower names. In 18th century Europe this developed into giving flowers sentimental significance (ie. a rose symbolizing love).
Various and changing meanings were ascribed to different flowers, but you wouldn’t want to receive a striped carnation in 1819, which according to Madame Charlotte de la Tour, who published a dictionary on flower language entitled [sic] Le Language des Fleur, meant “I’m sorry, I must say no.”
Nor would you want to receive a yellow carnation, which meant “You disappoint me.”
Better would be a red rose from your true love; or a pansy (“you occupy my thoughts”); or perhaps an arum, which meant ardor.
The Art of the Valentine Card
The reputedly oldest valentine card in existence is owned by the British Royal Mail. It dates from 1790. Its four points open up to reveal a love poem, but the outside words are already quite enchanting:
“My dear the Heart which you behold, Will break when you the same unfold, Even so my heart with lovesick pain, Sure wounded is and breaks in twain.”
Sources:
The Evening Independent, Feb. 14, 1977
The Year’s Festivals, Helen Philbrook Patten, 1903
Providence, let me love You like my chosen betrothed. Flood my arms with anticipation, so the pimples tickle the lace of my best ball gloves. I sweep my fan and search for You above the crowds.
With a quickened pulse, I slip away to greet You in the privacy of my hostess’s garden. Let me come to You uncaring of my appearance, unworried about my reputation. Let no concern shadow my heart about my unworthiness of this match. Pray let me not fall victim to my doubts or be persecuted by my memories, the false promises of my past.
I run to You now in the midst of the spring shower with muslin and sarcenet gathered in my palms. My lifted skirts expose my ankles to the soft kisses of raindrops. I twirl in circles trampling my foolish pride with the tender soles of my slippers. Joy fills my lungs for at last I know it is You who loves me, just as I am.
Let me embrace You like my true betrothed and seek You in the hidden places. The labors of my hands, the burdens upon my shoulders disappear in Your presence. The lightness of Your yoke frees me to sing as Your fragrance, the myrrh and frankincense, anoints the cuff of my sleeve. I smell safety and sense whispers of encouragement. My heart pounds at the softness of Your touch, the shield of protection You gird about me. Though it is I who strayed, I weep at the openness of Your arms, Your forgiveness.
Let me love You in fearless reverence. When the Ton scoff at Your humble beginnings and call You a tradesman’s son, make me not shun You or deny my feelings. I should know now that Your riches provide honor and inheritance for all my generations. Grow my heart to be as generous and as loving. Aid me to be light in this world and a proper helpmate for your ministry.
A wave of shyness grips me. I want to turn, but Your patience draws me. I lower my fan once more and glance at your beauty. There can be no falling away or breaking with You. I shall cling to your promises, your comfort. My lamp is trimmed and full of oil, and I await You, no longer a foolish virgin, but a hopeful bride seeking her Prince of Peace.
As you have your time of devotion this week, study these verses. Your true betrothed has sent an invitation.
Mathew 11:28-29
Mathew 25:1-13
Psalm 68:19
Song of Solomon 2:6
1 Corinthians 15:9
By the time the Regency time period came around, sending letters to your special valentine was a firmly established tradition in England.
Handmade Valentine from 1816. Photo by Nancy Rosin, www.victoriantreasury.com
While a few manufactured valentines were finding their way into shops, mass-produced, pre-printed valentines similar to what we see today (minus the cartoon characters) didn’t really make an appearance until the mid-1800s. Therefore, when our handsome heroes gave valentines to our heroines, they had to make them.
You can check out an article about antique valentines here. You can learn more about the particular valentine pictured at left here.
I am a fan of the handmade valentine. I’m a fan of the handmade anything, really. The personal time and thought mean a lot to me.
My oldest daughter is in preschool this year which means she’s going to have her first Valentine’s party. Since I’m making a deliberate attempt to make me and my family healthier this year, the last thing I want to do is send candy to 24 preschoolers and have the leftovers sitting around the house. I am also on a mission to clean out and organize my house so the second to last thing I want to do is send her to school with little pieces of meaningless, useless paper to go home and clutter up everyone else’s houses.
So we made valentines. I got on the handy, dandy internet and started looking for non-candy, non-pointless valentines and I found these.
My daughter holding her pencil valentines
See? They have a point. <enter big cheesy grin here>
I love these valentines! They are cheap, practical, and really easy for my daughter to put together herself. While the kids might not be excited about pink and purple pencils, I know there are some moms that will be happy to get something besides candy and cartoon characters.
As a bonus, because I had to get this post ready, these valentines are actually done early! I won’t have to stay up on the thirteenth taping construction paper flags to valentine themed pencils. My husband is so proud.
If you’re looking for some creative valentine ideas, check out Family Fun’s website. They have a lot of ideas with and without candy. There are even ideas for teacher gifts and things like that.
What about you? Do you make your valentines or buy them? What’s the most creative valentine you’ve ever seen?
Naomi here, and we’re talking about weddings today. More particularly, wedding hotspots. In today’s society, destination weddings seem to be growing in popularity. A person can’t just get married in a church anymore. Oh no. We have to fly to Hawaii, trade vows on a Jamaican beach at sunset, or visit the Florida keys in order to have the perfect wedding. Does anyone get married in a plain old church anymore?
In Regency England, church weddings were all the rage. They had to be. It was illegal to get married anywhere else (unless you were super rich and bought your way out of the church deal, but we’ll get to that in a moment).
According to the Hardwicke’s Marriage Act of 1753, if a couple wanted to marry, they needed:
a license
banns read in church services for three consecutive weeks
parental consent if under the age of 21
Then the marriage itself had to:
be performed in the morning hours between 8:00 and 12:00
be held in a public chapel or church (Church of England church, Jewish synagogue or Quaker meeting)
be conducted by authorized clergy
be recorded in the marriage register with the signatures of both parties, the witnesses, and the minister.
As you can well see, the British Government was gracious to all those poor people wanting to get married two hundred years ago. And the sad thing is, England has so much lovely scenery. You know those beautiful White Cliffs of Dover? Do you want to get married there at sunset? Regular folk likely couldn’t have, though there were two ways around the tedious list of marriage regulations.
For a modest sum, you could purchase a license from the local clergy, which enabled the marrying couple to skip the banns.
For an exorbitant sum, you could purchase a special license from no less than the Archbishop of Canterbury, which enabled the marrying couple to skip the banns, get married outside a church, and marry after noon.
However, there was a more dramatic way to circumvent the Marriage Act of 1753: Elope. The Hardwicke Marriage Act was only law in England. Scotland didn’t adhere to such strict marriage regulations, and towns along the Scottish/English border became a popular place to elope, (especially if the bride or groom was under 21 and didn’t have parental consent). Today people fly to Vegas; in Regency England they rode four days (or more) from London to Gretna Green, Scotland. Or Coldstream Bridge, Lamberton, Mordington, or Paxton Toll.
Blacksmith's shop in Gretna Green
For those wealthy, law abiding citizens not wishing to circumvent the Marriage Act or do something so extreme as to marry out of doors, the place to get married was St. George’s, Hanover Square. Interestingly enough, St. George’s is not located on Hanover Square itself, but a block or two away. It was located in the fashionable place for the ton to live when in London: Mayfair.
The church held about 1,000 weddings per year in Regency times, which comes out to three weddings per day. And remember the majority of these weddings had to take place between 8:00 am and noon. Can you imagine getting married there? Maybe, if you were lucky, you would have had the church for a whole hour before getting get kicked out so the next bride in line could have her turn. Which makes me equate St. George’s to a modern day Las Vegas wedding chapel. The record for marriages at St. George’s was set in 1816, with 1,063 weddings, including nine on Christmas Day.
Where everyone wanted to get married
So there you have it, Wedding Hotspots in Regency England, and the reason why those places were so hot: The Hardwicke Marriage Act.
*******
A mother of two young boys, Naomi Rawlings spends her days picking up, cleaning, playing and, of course, writing. Her husband pastors a small church in Michigan’s rugged Upper Peninsula, where her family shares its ten wooded acres with black bears, wolves, coyotes, deer and bald eagles. Naomi and her family live only three miles from Lake Superior, where the scenery is beautiful and they average 200 inches of snow per winter. Naomi writes bold, dramatic stories containing passionate words and powerful journeys. Her debut novel, Sanctuary for a Lady releases in April of 2012.
Hello, Jessica here! It’s February, and when I started thinking about Valentine’s Day during the Regency, I thought of a poem that many a Regency gentleman would have had in a volume on his bookshelves. It’s an epithalamion – or “marriage poem” – written by John Donne to celebrate a marriage that took place on Valentine’s Day. (If you want to read the whole thing, you can find it here.)
In the poem, Donne riffs on the legend that Valentine’s Day is the day when the birds choose their mates. He says, humorously, “Hail Bishop Valentine, whose day this is, all the air is thy diocese,” and goes on from there to make comparison between the marriages of the birds and the marriage of the human couple in whose honor his poem is written.
As I perused the poem in preparation for this blog entry, I admit that my first reaction was to geek out on all the cool literary and historical stuff in it – the use of avian and celestial imagery, the conceit that the whole poem is a speech to St. Valentine himself, the echoes of Chaucer’s “Parliament of Fowls” – but as I read further, my thoughts took a more devotional turn.
Even though the Regency was a time when the ideas spawned by the Enlightenment were changing the culture and a time when industrial progress was starting to creep over the landscape in the form of railroads and factories, it was still a time when the young minds of the landed gentry were saturated with ancient philosophy and poetry, thanks to the classical education so many of them received. The old idea of the natural world as a created, ordered system still held sway over the English imagination.
Thus, the idea of finding your spouse on the same day that the birds found their mates appealed not just because it was romantic, but because, in some mystical sense, it was right. Mankind was seen as a part of the natural order and it was fitting to let your own life reflect the order of the cosmos.
Of course, even if getting married on Valentine’s Day was a good thing, no educated Regency gentleman would have said that it was necessary. But what most would have said is that there was an order to the cosmos and that humans were a part of it.
Romance and the Cosmos
Romance might be a small part of the cosmic order, but if it is a part of it, what does that mean? Well, it means what we’ve always known that it means: it means that romance is not something meant to stand alone. It’s a part of a bigger picture – it’s supposed to lead to and be a part of marriage. A wedding is the crowning glory of a romance. And then, over time, things shift, and romance becomes the warm affection of a faithful marriage. Romance is the gate a couple opens in order to walk down the path to their home – the home that was created when the two became one – and romance is the light and warmth that still adorn that home, months and years and decades after the wedding itself.
More than that, a good marriage becomes a window for us to understand the relationship between Christ and His church. Maybe the marriage of the birds was just a legend that provoked some beautiful poetry once upon a time, but the poetic relationship between human marriage and the wedding of the Lamb is a true reflection of eternity onto the skin of the natural universe. All good and true love is not only a gift from God: it’s also an arrow that directs our gaze back to the greatest Lover of all.
Welcome to Regency Reflections: The Inspirational Regency Reader’s Companion. Whether you are a long time fan or just discovering this wonderful time period, we hope to be a valuable resource for you. Here you will be able to reach out to your favorite authors, learn more about the history of the Regency, and connect with other readers.
Engraving of Vauxhall Garden, 1810
On Mondays you can sit back with a cup of tea and learn a little tidbit of history. Ever wondered why the period is called the Regency? Maybe you would like to find out a little bit more about how people went visiting or what dances they did. You never know what you might learn!
Wednesdays are when we like to share a little bit of ourselves with you. You’ll learn about what’s going on in our lives and be able to share in the conversation yourself. We’ll also interview your favorite authors whenever they have new books coming out so you’ll always know when Regency titles are going to be hitting the shelves near you.
Fridays we want to take you on a journey of faith. We’ll post short devotionals or lessons God has been teaching us. Strengthen your faith by walking with us.
Periodically, we’ll also be telling you about some of our favorite other Regency related media, such as websites, movies, or classic regency novels that have inspired us to write.
Take a moment and look around. You can vote in polls about currently available books or troll around the links section and visit your favorite author’s cyber home. Move on over to our home site, www.inspirationalregency.com, and look up the answer to some historical question you’ve always had.
We are excited to start this project and are so glad you’ve decided to join us! If you want to know more about who we are and who will be sharing with you over the next month, go to the blog editors page. You’ll find the link under the Regency church picture above.
Is there something you would like to see us cover? Maybe you have a burning question for one of our authors? Just want to tell us how excited you are about the blog? Leave us a comment below. We’d love to hear from you.
If you plan to attend Culture, Cocktails, and Culinary Creations at Buns and Roses 2020 with Tracey Livesay, Priscilla Oliveras, and me, please hop between us, pick your drink, and make it with us during the live virtual session. My drink pulls on my Caribbean heritage and my need for things to be perfectly sweet–not too sugary, not bland, but perfect. Below are my recipe and a little history tidbit.
One of the greatest contributions to the modern world is Trinidad’s Bitters.
Angostura bitters are an aromatic staple that can often be found in your local grocery store. In 1824, Dr. Johann Siegert opened a business to sell bitters as a medicinal tincture, but the surprising tasty concoction found its way into beverages. The secret bitters formula is more closely guarded than Coke-Cola’s. The Angostura Company produces batches in unmarked bags of ingredients. The production schedule is irregular and only happens when the stock in the Port of Spain warehouse is low.
Sour Bitter Smash is a drink that speaks to the fun one can have when sweet fruity flavors blend with perfect hints of bitters.
Sour Bitter Smash
1 cup soursop (guanabana) juice* or pineapple juice
1/2 cup strawberry lemonade
4 dashes of angostura bitters
1 1/2 teaspoons blue curaçao liqueur
Ice cubes
Non-alcoholic
6 tablespoons of good seltzer water
Alcoholic
6 tablespoons of good gin
Garnish: Edible flower or burnt lemon rind.
Choose the your version of my smash, load all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Fill with ice. Cover and shake well. Strain and pour into two fancy glasses. Garnish and enjoy.
Sour Bitter Smash – a Drink that salutes the Islands
