Love VS. Love

categories: Devotion

Love You In Chocolate — Image: kenfotos / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Kristi here.

I love chocolate. I love my husband. I don’t love these things in the same way, though. It’s one of the frustrating things about the English language. We have the word like and we have the word love and there’s nothing in between. I used to think we should introduce the word “loke” into our vocabulary to establish a level between like and love. Then I could say I loke chocolate and I love my husband.

We toss the word love around a lot in the United States. That can’t be said for every other country in the world. I had a friend from England once that got a bit fed up with our usage of it. When someone said, “I love chocolate” my friend would make a face and say “Why don’t you marry it then?” Not terribly original, but it gets the message across.

The thing is we use the same word when we say we love God, and I think that’s a problem. We have just equated God with chocolate. That’s not good. When we take a concept, like love, and weaken it, we begin to lose the power that word can have.

How many times have you seen someone say something like this in a book or a movie: “I love him. Well, I don’t love love him. I love him like a brother or a friend or in that I love my dog kind of way. Not that he’s a dog, I just think of them the same.”

Okay, so the part about the dog isn’t ubiquitous, but you get my point.

Jesus had several words for love when He walked the earth. Unfortunately, this distinction is often lost when we translate the Greek into English. Take the following passage from John 21 verses 15-17.

When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I love You.” “Feed My lambs,” He told him. A second time He asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” “Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I love You.” “Shepherd My sheep,” He told him. He asked him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved that He asked him the third time, “Do you love Me?” He said, “Lord, You know everything! You know that I love You.” “Feed My sheep,” Jesus said.

Two different forms of the word love are used in this passage. Agape and phileo. Agape referred to deep, true, unconditional love while phileo was used more for general love more akin to loyalty and affection. If we take those differences into account, the passage above reads more like this:

When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I am your friend.” “Feed My lambs,” He told him. A second time He asked him, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” “Yes, Lord,” he said to Him, “You know that I am your friend.” “Shepherd My sheep,” He told him. He asked him the third time, “Simon, son of John, are you My friend?” Peter was grieved that He asked him the third time, “Are you My friend?” He said, “Lord, You know everything! You know that I am your friend.” “Feed My sheep,” Jesus said.

Peter was saddened because he had to own up to the fact that he wasn’t giving Jesus the true love that his savior wanted.

What kind of love are we offering Jesus? Do we love Him like chocolate? Our dogs? Our family? Or are we giving Him the ultimate love that He offered to us? Let’s start thinking about the meanings behind our usage of the word “love” so that when we say “I love you, God” we really mean it.

Originally posted 2012-02-24 10:00:00.

01
Oct
2025

Vanessa Riley’s Workshops

categories: Events

[instagram-feed type=”hashtag” hashtag=”#vanessarileyworkshop”]

Originally posted 2021-11-14 08:36:52.

01
Oct
2025

“L.O.V.E. in the Regency”

categories: Uncategorized

“L.O.V.E. in the Regency”

I can wax on about the lovely aspects of the Regency era and the fiction it has spawned, but to reign in my thoughts, I’ll limit my reflections to four elements, each beginning with a letter of LOVE.

L … The Language is delightful. Where else can you read such bits of “slang” as charming as the cant of the Regency? Aren’t there a few celebrities today about whom it could be said “She has more hair than wit”? Referring to someone as “attics to let” wouldn’t be kind, but it is a rather smile-provoking turn-of-phrase. I’ll leave this topic with one more of my favorites: “Stepping into parson’s mousetrap”, which reflects some gentlemen’s views on marriage.

O … Society had Order and structure which is lacking today. When’s the last time most of us had an “at-home day” upon which your friends knew you’d be at home and expecting visits. Have you gone to a tea, musicale, ball, or garden party of late? The fascinating protocol of hosting, attending, making guest lists, sending invitations, and subtle gradations of how deep one shall bow or curtsey; these bygone rules are distinct and keep our interest.

V … Feminine Virtue was the order of the day. The unmarried maiden’s virtue was carefully guarded, so as to bring a pure virgin to the marriage altar. This virtue is sadly absent today, and reading about a day in which purity was guarded can be an inspiration. Reading Christian Regency fiction allows one to recapture the thrill of a first kiss, perhaps at the altar, without the seamy pages that follow in secular romances.

E … If you read for Escape, Regency England is a delightful place to visit. Most of us will never make it over to intriguing Bath, Brighton, or Tunbridge Wells. We won’t tread the ground of Northumberland, Sussex, or the like. But, ahh, flip open the typical Regency, and you’re transported to a lovely place and time, all bound within the pages of the book in your hands.

Originally posted 2012-02-22 10:00:00.

30
Sep
2025

Write of Passage: Hanging With Writers

categories: Podcast - Write of Passage, Politics, Recommended Reading, Syndication, Technology, TV and Film

This past weekend, I had the honor of spending three days in Albuquerque with the Women’s Fiction Writers Association at their West Retreat. Three days to talk about the things I love most—our craft and the business of publishing.

There’s nothing quite like being surrounded by writers, people who understand the struggle and the joy of creating stories. And there’s no better moment than seeing that spark in someone’s eyes when something you’ve said helps unlock their story in a brand-new way.

One of the sessions conversationsI led centered on the Hero’s Journey and its counterpart, the Heroine’s Journey. These structures aren’t just tools for making sure your story moves forward or that the middle doesn’t sag—they’re also frameworks that allow us to dig into what makes heroes and heroines truly special. We looked at the communal aspects of the heroine’s return, the healing wisdom mentors pass on, and how both journeys can be reimagined for today’s storytelling.

If you’ve been feeling stuck in your own writing, I want to encourage you to consider a writing retreat. A retreat takes you out of your ordinary world and places you in an environment designed for creativity. This particular hotel in Albuquerque, called Hotel Albuquerque, was perfect—full of quiet corners to write in, with the gentle sound of a water feature trickling in the background. The temperature was just right, and the breeze seemed to carry with it a rhythm I needed as I started drafting a new manuscript. Finding that rhythm is essential—especially when facing the hardest part of writing: the beginning. As we talked about during the retreat, the beginning has to do so much work. It must pull the reader in, set the tone, and launch the story forward. That challenge can feel overwhelming, but when you’re sitting among other writers, sharing the struggle, the rhythm comes easier.

For me, the joy of being with this group of women writers was in the way we each gave something to one another. We shared, we encouraged, and we carried each other forward. Writing can be isolating, and even now, years after the height of the pandemic, many of us are still recovering from that deep loneliness. Yes, Zoom calls and late-night chats kept us connected, but nothing replaces being physically together—hearing voices, exchanging ideas, and being present in the same space.

That’s why I encourage every writer listening to this: put a writing retreat in your budget for 2026. No matter where you are in your career—whether you’re drafting your first book or publishing your thirtieth—invest in yourself and your craft. Retreats give you knowledge, community, and the reminder that you’re not alone in this work.

At this retreat, I was honored to teach three workshops: Write Fast, Write Now: Unveiling Character Arcs, The Substack Strategy: Building an Author Platform That Works, and Rethinking the Hero’s Journey for Today’s Storytelling Trends. Teaching craft is one of my greatest joys, because no matter how many books I’ve published—Fire Sword and Sea is my twenty-ninth—there is always more to learn. Every retreat, every conversation with another writer, teaches me something new.

And to those of you who were in Albuquerque with me: thank you. Thank you for giving me your attention, your questions, and your trust. Thank you for letting me be fully myself in that space. You gave me as much as I gave you. I left inspired, energized, and dreaming of hundreds more books—your books—coming into the world.

That is the magic of retreats, the magic of community, and the magic of the writer’s journey itself.

Books to get you into the writing mood:

The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell — the classic foundation for understanding the Hero’s Journey.

The Heroine’s Journey by Gail Carriger — a modern, approachable exploration of the heroine’s path and how it differs from Campbell’s.

The Writer’s Journey by Christopher Vogler — a practical, writer-focused guide to adapting mythic structure for storytelling.

Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott — reflections on the writer’s life and craft, with humor and heart

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert — embracing creativity, fear, and joy in the artistic process.

We are three and half months away from Fire Sword and Sea—Get those preorder in, and help build the momentum for this historical fiction. Please spread the word about lady pirates in the 1600s.

They are women, many our Black and Indigenous. All want a better way of life. Piracy is legal. It’s their answer. This novel releases January 13, 2026.

The link on my website shows retailers large and small who have set up preorders for this title.

Show notes include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast.

You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, VanessaRiley.com under the podcast link in the About tab.

If you’re ready to move with purpose and power, hit that like button and subscribe to Write of Passage. Never miss a moment. We have work to do. Let me help you recharge.

Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you’ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit vanessariley.substack.com/subscribe

30
Sep
2025

Surprised by War

categories: History

Dancing and travel: two of the joys of the Regency. My picture of that elegant period of history is full of flowing dresses and swiftly-moving carriages.

But the balls and the journeys didn’t always end as planned, and on two memorable occasions the frivolity of the English was brought to a shocking halt not by a lame horse or a torn hem, but by the intrusion of soldiers, terror, and war.

Storm in the Strait of Dover by Louis Meyer (public domain)

The Breaking of the Peace of Amiens

In 1802, there was a halt to the hostilities between France and England and as a result thousands of British visitors poured into Paris. Englishmen of means had always been fond of visiting the continent, but war had stopped them from indulging in this fondness for some time. When the Peace of Amiens was signed, many of then crossed the Channel to see the sights.

In fact, a gentleman named Edmund John Eyre went over to France and wrote an account of his journey, hoping to sell it as a guidebook to other English travelers. (You can read an electronic copy here.) Alas, he was not to make much money on his endeavor, because in May of 1803, just a little over a year after peace was declared, war broke out again between the two countries.

The problem for our British travelers? When war recommenced, the French declared that all male British citizens between the ages of 18 and 60 currently in France were to be arrested. Many English tourists were trapped on the wrong side of the Channel, most of them unable to return home to England for over a decade. They went to France to see the sights, but they ended up seeing the entire war – from the wrong side.

The Duchess of Richmond’s Ball

At the other end of that long decade of war came another surprise for some pleasure-seeking English ladies and gentlemen. Once again, those who thought that the war was over were in for a shock.

In Brussels, in 1815, Lady Richmond was holding a ball attended by Wellington and many of his soldiers. There was dancing and drinking, but in the middle of the party Wellington received a message, a confirmed report that Napoleon had escaped and was coming to meet them with an entire army marching at his heels.

The people dancing at the ball didn’t know it, but they were scarce days away from one of the most famous military encounters of all time: the Battle of Waterloo. Some men even went directly from the ball to the battle at Quatre Bras still wearing their evening dress.

It’s hard to picture this happening today, with the nearly instant communication offered to us by telephones and the email. But back then, news traveled only as fast as a boat might sail or a horse might ride. In an instant, a holiday might become an exile, and a dance might become a war.

–Jessica Snell

Originally posted 2012-02-20 10:00:59.

30
Sep
2025

Jane Austen’s Prayers

categories: Devotion, Uncategorized

JANE AUSTEN’S PRAYERS

We are all familiar with Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, and Northanger Abbey – but did you know that Ms. Austen also wrote three prayers? Jane likely penned her three prayers as “evening prayers,” intending them to be read aloud. Let’s take a look:

JANE AUSTEN’S FIRST PRAYER
(Abridged version. The full text can be read here.)

Give us grace almighty father, so to pray, as to deserve to be heard, to address thee with our hearts, as with our lips. Thou art everywhere present, from thee no secret can be hid. May the knowledge of this, teach us to fix our thoughts on thee, with reverence and devotion that we pray not in vain.

May we now, and on each return of night, consider how the past day has been spent by us, what have been our prevailing thoughts, words and actions during it, and how far we can acquit ourselves of evil.

Have we thought irreverently of thee, have we disobeyed thy commandments, have we neglected any known duty, or willingly given pain to any human being? Incline us to ask our hearts these questions oh! God, to save us from deceiving ourselves by pride or vanity.

Give us a thankful sense of the blessings in which we live, of the many comforts of our lot; that we may not deserve to lose them by discontent or indifference. Hear us almighty God, for his sake who has redeemed us, and taught us thus to pray. Amen.

Isn’t that beautiful? This prayer holds true to Austen’s moving and articulate style and offers wonderful insight to the types of prayers spoken during the Regency. It is important, however, to remember that while the words themselves are indeed lovely, it is not the eloquence of the words that is pleasing to God – it is the attitude with which the prayer is spoken.

You see, prayer is an outpouring of faith, and we pray to strengthen our relationship with God. And how do you strengthen relationships? By sharing your dreams, fears, and desires. God is faithful to hear our prayers, and even if we do not always have the perfect words, God knows our hearts. So I challenge you: Find somewhere quiet where you can be alone with God and have a conversation. Share your heart with Him, and listen for what He has to say.

Originally posted 2012-02-17 10:00:00.

29
Sep
2025

Scattered Petals

categories: Uncategorized

Tammy here.

What is real romance? Is it roses and chocolates, Diamonds and furs? Does the more money he spends on you measure how much he loves you?

I remember back in the beginning of my marriage I just wanted my husband to give me thoughtful gifts. He hated buying for me because he didn’t think he could please me. He couldn’t understand I only wanted him to put some thought in the selection. I love to give gifts. Buying just the right gift for my family and friends is a joy for me. For others like my husband it is a hated chore.

I told my husband more than once Roses are nice but it would mean more to me if you picked me wild flowers. I spent a lot of frustrated years trying to get him to understand it’s not the gift, it’s the thought behind it.

In the early days of our marriage Western clothes and accessories were in. (Dating myself here). We had just left a western store filled with beautiful clothes and jewelry. He was complaining about not knowing what to get me for Christmas. I told him, “Anything you pick out for me in this store I will love.” Can you see my mistake? I couldn’t wait for Christmas. Imagine my surprise when I opened the box with the western store’s logo and found, not a long flowing white skirt to wear with my boots or a set of silver earrings with a bracelet to match, but a belt buckle with my initial on it. I tried not to let him see my disappointment because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I am sure you all have similar stories.

I am happy to say it only took twenty years to finally make him understand. For years I got roses for Valentine’s Day or my Birthday. They were nice, but where’s the thought in that? Then one year in October on my birthday I came home from work to find Black Eyed Susan petals (my very own special birthday flowers from God every year) scattered in a path from my front door to the kitchen table leading to a mason jar filled with a bouquet of the yellow flowers. It didn’t matter I had to clean up the twigs and leaves scattered over the floor. It was the best birthday ever and he was so proud of himself.

For Christmas that year he stayed on a roll. He bought me a sleeping bag. Don’t laugh. It was neon green, my favorite color. So far that is the best Christmas gift I’ve received from him. He has bought me diamonds and roses and many other expensive gifts over the years and I do love them but the most romantic memories will always be of scattered petals and a bright green sleeping bag, because he finally stepped out of his comfort zone and thought to himself, I think she’ll like this.

Images courtesy of morguefile.com. No attribution required.

Originally posted 2012-02-15 10:00:00.

29
Sep
2025

Happy Valentine’s Day!

categories: Holiday

Happy Valentine’s Day from the authors of Regency Reflections.

Here’s wishing you a day filled with the love of your friends, family, and Lord.

Originally posted 2012-02-14 08:00:00.

28
Sep
2025

Reflections on Valentine’s Day

categories: History, Holiday, Regency Romance, Uncategorized, Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day in Regency England

Cards were already a popular custom for all classes by regency times. Most were home-and-handmade from plain to fancy, depending on what the sender could afford. Fancier ones might include gilt-edged paper and real lace (paper lace didn’t come into production until later in the century). Woodcuts or copperplate engraved cards existed but this process was still hand-done and thus time-consuming, so mass-produced cards didn’t come on the market until the 1820s. This coincided with the standardization of the postal system, making sending cards cheaper.

For those who had trouble with a rhyme, there were publications called “Valentine writers,” chock full of ready-made verses for gentlemen to use. Some even contained poetical replies for ladies to use.

Everybody’s Valentine Writer; or True Lover’s Notebook; and Kemmish’s Annual and Universal Valentine Writer, or the Lover’s Instructor were a couple published in England in the late 18^th century.

A sample of a lady’s reply to a gentleman’s verse, from Everybody’s Valentine Writer:

To a Gentleman

With proverbs, sir, I see you play;

With proverbs, too, I answer nay—

The Language of Flowers

Although special significance of flowers became most popular in Victorian times, lovers’ messages through flowers was already seen in regency times. Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, wife of the British ambassador to the Ottoman Empire , described a “secret language of flowers,” when her letters home were published posthumously in 1763. This language was a form of Turkish and Persian poetry called selam, which used words that rhymed with flower names. In 18^th century Europe this developed into giving flowers sentimental significance (ie. a rose symbolizing love).

Various and changing meanings were ascribed to different flowers, but you wouldn’t want to receive a striped carnation in 1819, which according to Madame Charlotte de la Tour, who published a dictionary on flower language entitled [sic] Le Language des Fleur, meant “I’m sorry, I must say no.”

Nor would you want to receive a yellow carnation, which meant “You disappoint me.”

Better would be a red rose from your true love; or a pansy (“you occupy my thoughts”); or perhaps an arum, which meant ardor.

The Art of the Valentine Card

The reputedly oldest valentine card in existence is owned by the British Royal Mail. It dates from 1790. Its four points open up to reveal a love poem, but the outside words are already quite enchanting:

“My dear the Heart which you behold,
Will break when you the same unfold,
Even so my heart with lovesick pain,
Sure wounded is and breaks in twain.”

Sources:

The Evening Independent, Feb. 14, 1977

The Year’s Festivals, Helen Philbrook Patten, 1903

The Quest of the Quaint, Virginia Robie, 1916

http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1947/02/15/1947_02_15_021_TNY_CARDS_000207379

http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/documents/11feb2011-aac.pdf

Originally posted 2012-02-13 10:00:00.

27
Sep
2025

Providence, Let Me Love You

categories: Church, Devotion, Regency Romance

Vanessa here with a devotion from my heart:

Providence, let me love You like my chosen betrothed. Flood my arms with anticipation, so the pimples tickle the lace of my best ball gloves. I sweep my fan and search for You above the crowds.

With a quickened pulse, I slip away to greet You in the privacy of my hostess’s garden. Let me come to You uncaring of my appearance, unworried about my reputation. Let no concern shadow my heart about my unworthiness of this match. Pray let me not fall victim to my doubts or be persecuted by my memories, the false promises of my past.

I run to You now in the midst of the spring shower with muslin and sarcenet gathered in my palms. My lifted skirts expose my ankles to the soft kisses of raindrops. I twirl in circles trampling my foolish pride with the tender soles of my slippers. Joy fills my lungs for at last I know it is You who loves me, just as I am.

Let me embrace You like my true betrothed and seek You in the hidden places. The labors of my hands, the burdens upon my shoulders disappear in Your presence. The lightness of Your yoke frees me to sing as Your fragrance, the myrrh and frankincense, anoints the cuff of my sleeve. I smell safety and sense whispers of encouragement. My heart pounds at the softness of Your touch, the shield of protection You gird about me. Though it is I who strayed, I weep at the openness of Your arms, Your forgiveness.

Let me love You in fearless reverence. When the Ton scoff at Your humble beginnings and call You a tradesman’s son, make me not shun You or deny my feelings. I should know now that Your riches provide honor and inheritance for all my generations. Grow my heart to be as generous and as loving. Aid me to be light in this world and a proper helpmate for your ministry.

A wave of shyness grips me. I want to turn, but Your patience draws me. I lower my fan once more and glance at your beauty. There can be no falling away or breaking with You. I shall cling to your promises, your comfort. My lamp is trimmed and full of oil, and I await You, no longer a foolish virgin, but a hopeful bride seeking her Prince of Peace.

As you have your time of devotion this week, study these verses. Your true betrothed has sent an invitation.
Mathew 11:28-29
Mathew 25:1-13
Psalm 68:19
Song of Solomon 2:6
1 Corinthians 15:9

Originally posted 2012-02-10 07:00:00.