{"id":6265,"date":"2025-11-18T14:10:00","date_gmt":"2025-11-18T14:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/11\/18\/write-of-passage-bitter-ground\/"},"modified":"2025-11-18T14:10:00","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T14:10:00","slug":"write-of-passage-bitter-ground","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/11\/18\/write-of-passage-bitter-ground\/","title":{"rendered":"Write of Passage: Bitter Ground"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-6265-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/179221750\/d275284a9c1fd59dfd643f2d7ab3c15d.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/179221750\/d275284a9c1fd59dfd643f2d7ab3c15d.mp3\">https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/179221750\/d275284a9c1fd59dfd643f2d7ab3c15d.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>Merriam-Webster defines <em>dissatisfaction<\/em> simply as \u201ca lack of satisfaction.\u201d And yes\u2014that\u2019s accurate. But if you look a little deeper, you\u2019ll find another definition, a lack of contentment, a restless aspiration. <\/p><div id=\"vanes-394609004\" class=\"vanes-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 2px;margin-right: 2px;margin-bottom: 2px;margin-left: 2px;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\" aria-label=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?fit=1706%2C2560&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1706&ssl=1 1706w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=200%2C300&ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1152&ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1024%2C1536&ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1365%2C2048&ssl=1 1365w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1280&ssl=1 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"569\" height=\"853\"   \/><\/a><\/div>\n<p><em>Aspire<\/em> means to breathe in or out, to draw something toward you or release something from within. So dissatisfaction becomes this restless desire to pull something in or push something out\u2014and that restlessness can freeze you in place.<\/p>\n<p>In the writing world, dissatisfaction usually means that I\u2019m staring at the words on the page, and they\u2019re not capturing the story I know I\u2019m supposed to be telling. Something has failed. And now I must go back, line by line, analyzing the bones of the narrative and examine every part of the story structure.<\/p>\n<p>And for my new writers out there, yes a story or novel should have structure, a framework that keeps the momentum and holds the theme together.<\/p>\n<p>In this analysis, I look at each main character\u2014and often the minor ones too. I check their goals. I review their belief systems. I trace the web of their relationships: who cares for whom, who fears them, who hates whom, and who is silently holding the line of loyalty. All of these connections form the living body of the world I\u2019m creating.<\/p>\n<p>And then there is the lie. Every character has one\u2014the bit of disinformation they inherited or bought into, the wound that warped their worldview. It\u2019s the thing they must confront and be healed of. If that lie isn\u2019t strong enough, or the character has drifted too far from it, the story loses its heartbeat. In my process, that\u2019s when the words feel stuck. I struggle with word count. And I must figure out why.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s Vanessa\u2019s writing world.<\/p>\n<p>But in the real world, dissatisfaction hits differently. When I feel that restless ache, I have to look at the <em>characters<\/em> I\u2019m connected to\u2014the real-life individuals doing life with me or choosing to let me do life with them. How are we connected? Are we missing something? Are there obvious signs of hurt or neglect we haven\u2019t addressed?<\/p>\n<p>Or is it the circumstances we\u2019re all tangled in that\u2019s causing problems?<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s be honest: the world is heavy right now. Yes, the government may be back to work, but people are still waiting to be reimbursed for the days they\u2019ve labored without pay. Folks who need food assistance are facing real disruptions. And Thanksgiving is approaching\u2014a time when people gather to share a meal, which becomes complicated if there are fractures sitting around the table. It\u2019s hard to taste turkey if you\u2019ve still got <em>beef<\/em> with somebody sitting across from you.<\/p>\n<p>And yes, Thanksgiving is about turkey. But if you\u2019re carrying beef, that\u2019s another heavy protein to digest.<\/p>\n<p>The truth is, if we don\u2019t figure out why we are dissatisfied, it will take root. It will grow into bitterness\u2014and bitterness is a treacherous ground to stand upon.<\/p>\n<p>Bitterness wedges itself into the cracks of your soul, sets up spikes, and ensures that every movement hurts. Bitterness requires a sweet form of medicine or self-care to heal\u2014or it spreads. Bitterness touches everything you make, everything you attempt, and everyone you care about.<\/p>\n<p>Thanksgiving is my holiday. I inherited it from my mother. It\u2019s a big deal for me. If you follow me on social media, you\u2019ll start seeing the sample menus, the tablescapes, the design choices\u2014all the details I pour myself into. It\u2019s part of my self-care\u2014the joy of gathering: the beauty and connection of family and friends around my table.<\/p>\n<p>But as much as we gather, we all must admit the truth: Covid changed us. Elections bruised us. Hardness, fear, and callousness ruined how we move through the world.<\/p>\n<p>As we head toward 2026, I believe it\u2019s time to turn a new leaf. To be better than we were in 2025. The first step is breaking up the bitter ground and letting healing in.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So here are my steps to stop being bitter:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>1. <strong>Admit you\u2019re bitter.<\/strong> Say it outright. Bitterness can\u2019t heal if you pretend it isn\u2019t there.<\/p>\n<p>2. <strong>Identify the source.<\/strong> What is making you bitter? Name it so you can face it.<\/p>\n<p>3. <strong>Avoid the triggers.<\/strong> Just say no to people and actions that put you back into that headspace of vulnerability. And if you can\u2019t avoid them, minimize them. If you can\u2019t minimize them, prepare for them. Pray. You never know when they just might miss a flight.<\/p>\n<p>4. <strong>Give up waiting for the apology.<\/strong> This is the hardest one.We hold on to bitterness because we want that moment\u2014where the foul person, falls upon bended knees and says I was so wrong. In romance books, we wait for the grovel: the moment when the hero finally admits how deeply they messed up. And yes, that moment is sweet. But in real life? If you get it at all, it\u2019s a gift. And this moment is not a guarantee, that the beef won\u2019t happen again. Your life must continue either way. Your goals must continue. Your growth must continue.You cannot pause your wholeness on hold waiting for someone else to gain revelation.<\/p>\n<p>And let me be clear: forgiving and moving on does not mean continuing in the harmful cycles. It means releasing the chain around your own ankle. If someone has shown you who they are, you don\u2019t need further confirmation. You don\u2019t need to go back to the well, testing the water again and again.<\/p>\n<p>Vanessa, you are so mature. At my big age of 21+, no I am not. Do I feel trifling sometimes? Absolutely. Do I want to complain the whole way through of releasing bitterness? Yes. But staying in that cycle only deepens the pain. And when I stay connected to that system, the person, or the circumstance, it will hurt me again. I refuse to let it continue to win.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s better for me and my soul to forgive and move on.<\/p>\n<p>In <em>Fire Sword and Sea<\/em>, Jacquotte Delahaye has every reason to be bitter. Life delivers blow after blow to this young woman\u2019s life. But the evidence of that life\u2014her legend, her accomplishments\u2014tells me she never stayed stuck. She didn\u2019t wait for an apology. She picked up a sword. She fought her way to the next moment, the next rung on the ladder, until she became a pirate captain. And she brought her crew\u2014her chosen people\u2014along with her.<\/p>\n<p>If you read <em>Fire Sword and Sea<\/em> and take away nothing else, take this:Success, particularly shared success, is the way to defeat bitterness.<\/p>\n<p>And for Jacquotte\u2019s example, I am not bitter at all:<\/p>\n<p><strong>This week\u2019s books to reflect upon are:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/1713\/99780060959470\"><strong>All About Love <\/strong><\/a><strong>by bell hooks<\/strong><strong>A profound meditation on how love\u2014of self, community, and truth\u2014becomes the antidote to bitterness and disconnection.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/1713\/9780385527460\"><strong>The Beautiful Struggle <\/strong><\/a><strong>by Ta-Nehisi Coates<\/strong><strong>A lyrical coming-of-age memoir about healing, survival, family, and forging meaning from difficulty.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/1713\/9781523090990\"><strong>The Body Is Not an Apology <\/strong><\/a><strong>by Sonya Renee Taylor<\/strong><strong>Invites readers to embrace radical self-love as a path out of resentment, trauma, and social conditioning.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/1713\/9781641600552\"><strong>Rest Is Resistance <\/strong><\/a><strong>by Tricia Hersey<\/strong><strong>A manifesto urging us to reject grind culture and reconnect with rest, healing, and humanity.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>And of course <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/1713\/9780063271043\"><strong>Fire Sword and Sea<\/strong><\/a><strong> by Vanessa Riley. Caribbean women pirates\u2014Black women pirates join French and Indigenous women to sail the seas. Fire Sword and Sea releases January 13<\/strong>th<strong>, 2026. If you\u2019re a librarian, vote for this book now in Library Reads in <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.edelweiss.plus\/?sku=0063271044\"><strong>Edelweiss<\/strong><\/a><strong> and <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.netgalley.com\/catalog\/book\/726721\"><strong>NetGalley<\/strong><\/a><strong>. Indie Next is voting now too.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>This week, I\u2019m highlighting <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookpeople.com\/\"><strong>Book People<\/strong><\/a><strong> through their website and <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/shop\/bookpeople\"><strong>Bookshop.org<\/strong><\/a><strong> .<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Consider purchasing Fire Sword and Sea from <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookpeople.com\/book\/9780063271043\"><strong>Book People<\/strong><\/a><strong> or one of my partners in the fight<\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\"><strong>, bookstore\u2019s<\/strong><\/a><strong> large and small who are in this with me.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>We are less two months away the January 13<\/strong><strong>th<\/strong><strong> release. Come on my crew. Let\u2019s get excited.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Show notes include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanessariley.com\/\"><strong>VanessaRiley.com<\/strong><\/a><strong> under the podcast link in the About tab.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>If you\u2019re on board my ship, press that like button, subscribe and share <\/strong><strong><em>Write of Passage. Never miss a moment. We have work to do. And I need You.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you\u2019ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p>This is a public episode. If you&#8217;d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&amp;utm_campaign=CTA_2\">vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe<\/a><\/p>\n<div id=\"vanes-3714546613\" class=\"vanes-after-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 3px;margin-right: 3px;margin-bottom: 3px;margin-left: 3px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?fit=1080%2C1350&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Listen to the Write of Passage Weekly Podcast\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?w=1080&ssl=1 1080w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=240%2C300&ssl=1 240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=819%2C1024&ssl=1 819w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=768%2C960&ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"540\" height=\"675\"   \/><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Merriam-Webster defines dissatisfaction simply as \u201ca lack of satisfaction.\u201d And yes\u2014that\u2019s accurate. But if you look a little deeper, you\u2019ll find another definition, a lack of contentment, a restless aspiration. Aspire means to breathe in or out, to draw something toward you or release something from within. So dissatisfaction becomes this restless desire to pull [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[81,793,9,620,756,694],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-stories","category-politics","category-recommended-reading","category-syndication","category-technology","category-tv-and-film"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/d7d401167877d40afacd34b29c8ac2a3.jpg?fit=1280%2C720&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6265","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6265"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6265\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6265"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6265"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6265"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}