{"id":6245,"date":"2025-09-09T13:10:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-09T13:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/09\/09\/write-of-passage-mad-as-heck-writing-anyway\/"},"modified":"2025-09-09T13:10:00","modified_gmt":"2025-09-09T13:10:00","slug":"write-of-passage-mad-as-heck-writing-anyway","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/09\/09\/write-of-passage-mad-as-heck-writing-anyway\/","title":{"rendered":"Write of Passage: Mad as Heck, Writing Anyway"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-6245-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/173164310\/8e9a544565e1c0a6b5507d3cb9f02880.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/173164310\/8e9a544565e1c0a6b5507d3cb9f02880.mp3\">https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/173164310\/8e9a544565e1c0a6b5507d3cb9f02880.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>I wrote this essay when I was angry.<\/p><div id=\"vanes-997915611\" class=\"vanes-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 2px;margin-right: 2px;margin-bottom: 2px;margin-left: 2px;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\" aria-label=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?fit=1706%2C2560&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1706&ssl=1 1706w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=200%2C300&ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1152&ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1024%2C1536&ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1365%2C2048&ssl=1 1365w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1280&ssl=1 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"569\" height=\"853\"   \/><\/a><\/div>\n<p>I consider myself a rational, reasonable individual. My life has been one of success\u2014working hard, pushing the envelope, and achieving. Deep down, though, I think I\u2019m very guilty of believing that if you build it and honor it, they will come. <\/p>\n<p>Maybe I internalized that 1989 movie, Field of Dreams, a little too much. Because the truth is, you can build it, plant the seeds, water it faithfully\u2014and still, nothing grows. Sometimes you have to ask: is this the right garden? Do I have the right seeds. Or is this one of those seasons of famine, not feast?<\/p>\n<p>Over the last 24 months, the stumbles in my journey have forced me to admit something, I\u2019d rather not, that the missteps hurt. I\u2019ve been pretending that they don\u2019t hurt. But they do. Even when you turn the other cheek, the bruise on the other one is still there. When disappointment seeps into your bones, or you let circumstances get under your skin, or you start connecting dots&#8212;boy you begin to wonder if you\u2019ve been blind. On those days, I ask myself: am I becoming a conspiracy theorist? Or did I just choose not to believe my own eyes?<\/p>\n<p>Even a calm, levelheaded woman has to acknowledge when she is hurt and angry. My logical side tells me, \u201cIt\u2019s just business. It\u2019s politics. It\u2019s economics. It\u2019s not personal.\u201d But every time I put pen to paper, it <em>is<\/em> personal. Part of me spills onto the page. When you meet my characters, you\u2019re also meeting pieces of me\u2014my wounds, my fears, my hopes, even some dreams. It sounds crazy, but that\u2019s the life of an artist.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps, we are a little bit off. Who else would willingly put their words or their creations out there to be scrutinized by strangers? You might have to be a little crazy to face bloodthirsty reviews or accept the brunt of someone\u2019s bad day, all because of something you were burning to create.<\/p>\n<p>To be a writer or artist requires audacity\u2014the belief that your story is worth telling, your song is worth hearing, you canvas is worth showing off. And even the humblest creators have to admit we are audacious.<\/p>\n<p>Again, I say you have to be a little bit off because the road to creation is long, filled with danger, rejection, and the occasional spiral into bone crushing doubt.<\/p>\n<p>So to my fellow writers who hit walls\u2014whether self-inflicted, systemic, or circumstantial\u2014own the pain. Then release it. My art is my statement to the world. Within the pages, one can find my zeal and my anger. I own it. I Vanessa Riley get angry sometimes.<\/p>\n<p>I promise you that my anger is a mirror of my passion. It equates to all the research and translations and microfiche that I will search to gather fresh facts. I work hard.<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t intend to stop. As I write this essay for my podcast, I intend to keep making art. Because I believe, that I have a message the world needs to hear.<\/p>\n<p>In the coming months, until <em>Fire Sword and Sea<\/em> releases, you\u2019ll hear me talking about it, the hardest book I had to write. Yes, it\u2019s about pirates in the Caribbean where you will have a diverse crew on the top of the boat working together, while chattel slavery exists within the bowls of the ship. So a meritocracy on top with White and Black and Brown pirates with enslaved people chained below. It\u2019s messy. It\u2019s complicated. It\u2019s action filled. It\u2019s true.<\/p>\n<p>I will shout it from rooftops, fight to get it attention. The story matters. Because when we hide the past, we hide ourselves. And when we hide our anger, we hide our authenticity. And the fight to make it public hasn\u2019t been easy. It\u2019s made me angry.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s ok to be angry, but we can\u2019t let anger fester. Then it turns into cynicism, inaction, and paralysis. I\u2019m a work in progress and I\u2019ve had to take my bottled-up feelings and release them through prayer and being able to hope for more. I gave up the noise to make room for healing.<\/p>\n<p>So, you\u2019re not crazy. You are not a conspiracy theorist. You are human. You are hurting. But the world still deserves to see your art.<\/p>\n<p>Anger isn\u2019t always productive. It doesn\u2019t move the needle by itself. Acting while angry can cost you jobs, power, and peace. So yes\u2014be angry but be wise. Be quick to release any sour heat churning in your soul. My advice is to do what must be done. Do your calling.<\/p>\n<p>And as for me, I\u2019ll live to play in my art another day and I \u2018ll let God fight my present day and future battles.<\/p>\n<p>This week\u2019s reading list includes:<\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9780812980035\"><strong>The Dance of Anger <\/strong><\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9780812980035\">by Harriet Lerner<\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9780812980035\"><strong> <\/strong><\/a><strong>\u2013 A classic on understanding anger, especially for women, and how to use it as a tool for growth rather than destruction.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9781501189562\"><strong>Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women\u2019s Anger <\/strong><\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9781501189562\">by Soraya Chemaly<\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9781501189562\"><strong> <\/strong><\/a><strong>\u2013 Examines how women\u2019s anger has been dismissed, and why it\u2019s actually a powerful, transformative force.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9780812980035\"><strong>Letter to My Daughter <\/strong><\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9780812980035\">by Maya Angelou<\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9780812980035\"><strong> \u2013<\/strong><\/a><strong> Gentle but firm reflections on disappointment, resilience, and the courage to be authentic.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9781580911863\"><strong>Sister Outsider <\/strong><\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9781580911863\">by Audre Lorde<\/a><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/a\/8630\/9781580911863\"><strong> <\/strong><\/a><strong>\u2013 Essays and speeches on anger, identity, and transformation through truth-telling.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>This week, I&#8217;m highlighting <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookmarksnc.org\"><strong>Bookmarks, NC<\/strong><\/a><strong> through their website and <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/shop\/readitagainbookstore\"><strong>Bookshop.org<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>The preorder campaign has begun, get the collector cards for characters in <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\"><strong>Fire Sword and Sea<\/strong><\/a><strong>\u2014Help me build momentum for this historical fiction. Please ask your library to carry this novel and spread the word and preorder this disruptive narrative about lady pirates in the 1600s. This saga releases January 13, 2026. The link on my website shows retailers that are in on the campaign. Get the collector cards while supplies last.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanessariley.com\/\"><strong>VanessaRiley.com<\/strong><\/a><strong> under the podcast link in the About tab.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>If you&#8217;re ready to move with purpose and power, hit that like button and subscribe to <\/strong><strong><em>Write of Passage<\/em><\/strong><strong>\u2014be a part of my crew. Your journey deserves community.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you\u2019ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This is a public episode. If you&#8217;d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&amp;utm_campaign=CTA_2\">vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe<\/a><\/p>\n<div id=\"vanes-4024250521\" class=\"vanes-after-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 3px;margin-right: 3px;margin-bottom: 3px;margin-left: 3px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?fit=1080%2C1350&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Listen to the Write of Passage Weekly Podcast\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?w=1080&ssl=1 1080w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=240%2C300&ssl=1 240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=819%2C1024&ssl=1 819w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=768%2C960&ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"540\" height=\"675\"   \/><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I wrote this essay when I was angry. I consider myself a rational, reasonable individual. My life has been one of success\u2014working hard, pushing the envelope, and achieving. Deep down, though, I think I\u2019m very guilty of believing that if you build it and honor it, they will come. Maybe I internalized that 1989 movie, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6246,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[81,793,9,620,756,694],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-stories","category-politics","category-recommended-reading","category-syndication","category-technology","category-tv-and-film"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/09\/6ffc13d487e264180d0cf169ce762387.jpg?fit=1280%2C720&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6245"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6245\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6246"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}