{"id":6176,"date":"2026-03-18T16:05:17","date_gmt":"2026-03-18T16:05:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/05\/27\/write-of-passage-nine-minutes-five-years-still-breathless\/"},"modified":"2026-03-18T16:05:17","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T16:05:17","slug":"write-of-passage-nine-minutes-five-years-still-breathless","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2026\/03\/18\/write-of-passage-nine-minutes-five-years-still-breathless\/","title":{"rendered":"Write of Passage: Nine Minutes, Five Years \u2013 Still Breathless"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-6176-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/164539784\/67c599b99c6cd5be421d01a45a659f6f.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/164539784\/67c599b99c6cd5be421d01a45a659f6f.mp3\">https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/164539784\/67c599b99c6cd5be421d01a45a659f6f.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>n 2020, America and the world were spiraling. COVID. COVID shutdowns, high COVID deaths, and the divisive uproar over wearing masks frayed nerves and divided communities. Then, in the middle of the chaos, we witnessed the killing of a man.<\/p><div id=\"vanes-1848884725\" class=\"vanes-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 2px;margin-right: 2px;margin-bottom: 2px;margin-left: 2px;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\" aria-label=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?fit=1706%2C2560&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1706&ssl=1 1706w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=200%2C300&ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1152&ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1024%2C1536&ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1365%2C2048&ssl=1 1365w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1280&ssl=1 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"569\" height=\"853\"   \/><\/a><\/div>\n<p>George Floyd, a man who\u2019d run afoul of the law in the past, was approached by police under the false suspicion of using a counterfeit $20 bill.<\/p>\n<p>At 8:20 p.m. on May 25, 2020, outside Cup Foods in Minneapolis, Officers Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng, and Thomas Lane encountered George. Kueng and Lane approached first, with blue lights twirling\u2014maybe even a siren. George was visibly distressed and repeatedly said, \u201cPlease don\u2019t shoot me,\u201d referencing past traumatic experiences with the police.<\/p>\n<p>At 8:21, officers attempted to place him in a squad car. George, unwisely, resisted, expressing intense anxiety and claustrophobia. \u201cI\u2019m not a bad guy\u2026 I\u2019m scared, man,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n<p>By 8:25, Officer Derek Chauvin arrived. George was dragged out of the squad car and forced to the ground. Chauvin then placed his knee on George\u2019s neck.<\/p>\n<p>George was already handcuffed. Already on the ground. Already submissive. But Chauvin kept his knee there, applying his full weight to George\u2019s neck.<\/p>\n<p>Kneeling is supposed to be an act of humility\u2014of reverence, of supplication, a gesture one might use to beg God for mercy.<\/p>\n<p>But Chauvin wasn\u2019t begging God. No, it was George who begged for his life. He cried out in search of humanity\u2014for his humanity. He said more than 20 times: \u201cI can\u2019t breathe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Still, Chauvin didn\u2019t move. George then cried out for his mother: \u201cMama, I\u2019m about to die.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A grown man, pleading for a breath, for his mother. Yet Chauvin kept kneeling, confident that no one would care about this Black man. To some, a man with a record deserves no second chance. So Chauvin kept kneeling, submitting not to justice but to cruelty\u2014for 9 minutes and 29 seconds\u2014until George Floyd died.<\/p>\n<p>This moment shattered the stillness of a world already shaken. For a brief period, it seemed like nearly everyone agreed: This was wrong. This was murder.<\/p>\n<p>I vividly remember the black squares on Instagram. The companies racing to fire employees who lied on peaceful protestors or weaponized stereotypes to suggest somehow George deserved this.<\/p>\n<p>Companies finally acknowledged what many of us had known for years: that they had a diversity and inclusion problem. They made promises.<\/p>\n<p>Penguin Random House pledged to increase diverse representation in its workforce and publish more books by Black authors and authors of color.<\/p>\n<p>HarperCollins promised to amplify underrepresented voices in acquisitions, create fellowships, and increase donations to racial justice causes.<\/p>\n<p>Simon &#038; Schuster announced a new imprint for social justice and pledged to acquire more BIPOC authors. They donated to We Need Diverse Books and Black Lives Matter.<\/p>\n<p>Macmillan acknowledged the lack of representation in its publishing and staff. They committed to more inclusive hiring, employee training, and outreach to BIPOC writers.<\/p>\n<p>Hachette created a Diversity &#038; Inclusion Council and mentorship programs for BIPOC employees. They donated to civil rights organizations and promised to publish more Black and Brown voices.<\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t just publishing jumping to be counted in the righteous number. Target, Microsoft, Apple\u2014major corporations pledged millions to diversity initiatives and underserved communities.<\/p>\n<p>But here we are, just five years later.<\/p>\n<p>Reports from <em>The Washington Post<\/em>, <em>Reuters<\/em>, and business analysts show a corporate backslide. Hachette has made notable progress in BIPOC hiring and acquisitions. But others\u2014Penguin Random House, HarperCollins, Simon &#038; Schuster, and Macmillan\u2014have not provided updated public reports on their commitments. There\u2019s a lack of transparency.<\/p>\n<p>And when BIPOC authors speak up about their experiences with these opaque publishers\u2014about the lack of marketing, the minimal support at launch, the inadequate investments in advertisements\u2014it becomes clear that many of those 2020 commitments were performative. Empty, breathless gestures.<\/p>\n<p>The biggest offender? We all know\u2014Target. After loudly promoting their DEI programs, they rolled them back\u2014loudly and publicly. And sales have significantly declined. I doubt they\u2019ll ever fully regain the trust of the loyal customers they betrayed.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s been talk that Target\u2019s retreat has caused some Black authors to miss major bestseller lists. That\u2019s not the full story. The truth is: momentum makes the difference. Local bookstore buys matter count just as much\u2014often more.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t get me wrong\u2014I love walking into a big store and seeing my book face-out on the shelf. I\u2019m deeply grateful to every bookseller, clerk, and sales rep who\u2019s done that for any of my titles.<\/p>\n<p>But let\u2019s be honest: many Black and BIPOC authors lack consistent support from publishers. A publisher can create magic. They can generate momentum\u2014or they can smother it. And I\u2019ve wondered, more than once, if some of these acquisitions with no follow-through are just another version of the black Instagram squares. A performance. \u201cLook, Mama\u2014we did something.\u201d But then the cover\u2019s bad, the e-book or audio launch is botched, and the book disappears, drowning in wrong or limited search results.<\/p>\n<p>So I ask: Did some publishers in 2020 merely shift their knee slightly off the necks of Black writers\u2014just enough to say they weren\u2019t actively killing careers?<\/p>\n<p>George Floyd didn\u2019t deserve to die. He was a man. A father. A person with a past\u2014but one who had a future, until it was stolen.<\/p>\n<p>I use George\u2019s first name throughout this essay because this is personal. I want you to remember how it felt. You saw the video. As a Black woman, that could have been my husband. One of my brothers, my uncles, or my beloved nephews.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not going to lie\u2014my heart still races when I see flashing blue lights. I don\u2019t want to be Sandra Bland. Or Breonna Taylor. I have books to write, stories to tell, a family that I need to be here for. Yet, unless you sit beside me, you\u2019ll never hear the sound I make\u2014the soft, involuntary gasp of relief\u2014when a patrol car passes and doesn\u2019t pull me over.<\/p>\n<p>That breath I\u2019ve been holding finally escapes. And in that moment, I relearn how to breathe.<\/p>\n<p>Books to help us process what happened and where we find ourselves:<\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/thedockbookshop.com\/search?q=His%2BName%2BIs%2BGeorge%2BFloyd%2B\">His Name Is George Floyd<\/a> by Robert Samuels &#038; Toluse Olorunnipa is the Pulitzer Prize-winning biography that details Floyd\u2019s life and the systemic racism that shaped it.<\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/thedockbookshop.com\/search?q=Why%2BAre%2BAll%2Bthe%2BBlack%2BKids%2BSitting%2BTogether%2Bin%2Bthe%2BCafeteria\">Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria<\/a>? by Beverly Daniel Tatum &#8211; Examines racial identity development and institutional bias, including in schools and publishing.<\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/thedockbookshop.com\/book\/9780525619772\">Well-Read Black Girl<\/a> edited by Glory Edim &#8211; Celebrates Black women writers and the importance of being seen in literature.<\/p>\n<p>Help me build momentum for <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/thedockbookshop.com\/book\/9780063271043\">Fire Sword and Sea<\/a>\u2014spread the word and preorder this disruptive narrative about female pirates in the 1600s. This sweeping saga releases January 13, 2026.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Show notes include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast. This week, I&#8217;m highlighting <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/thedockbookshop.com\/\"><strong>The Dock Bookshop<\/strong><\/a><strong> through their website and <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/shop\/the_dock_bookshop\"><strong>Bookshop.org<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanessariley.com\/\"><strong>VanessaRiley.com<\/strong><\/a><strong> under the podcast link in the About tab.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>If you believe like me that stories matter\u2014tap like, share with a friend, and hit subscribe to <\/strong><strong><em>Write of Passage<\/em><\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you\u2019ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This is a public episode. If you&#8217;d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#038;utm_campaign=CTA_2\">vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe<\/a><\/p>\n<p id=\"rop\"><small>Originally posted 2025-05-27 13:10:00. <\/small><\/p><div id=\"vanes-24200733\" class=\"vanes-after-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 3px;margin-right: 3px;margin-bottom: 3px;margin-left: 3px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?fit=1080%2C1350&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Listen to the Write of Passage Weekly Podcast\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?w=1080&ssl=1 1080w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=240%2C300&ssl=1 240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=819%2C1024&ssl=1 819w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=768%2C960&ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"540\" height=\"675\"   \/><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>n 2020, America and the world were spiraling. COVID. COVID shutdowns, high COVID deaths, and the divisive uproar over wearing masks frayed nerves and divided communities. Then, in the middle of the chaos, we witnessed the killing of a man. George Floyd, a man who\u2019d run afoul of the law in the past, was approached [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6207,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[81,793,9,620,756,694],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6176","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-stories","category-politics","category-recommended-reading","category-syndication","category-technology","category-tv-and-film"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/abf4caabb2c80f956f9d0bc03e7da2c4-scaled.jpg?fit=1920%2C2560&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6176","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6176"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6176\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6207"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6176"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6176"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6176"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}