{"id":6173,"date":"2025-06-17T13:10:00","date_gmt":"2025-06-17T13:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/06\/17\/write-of-passage-sexual-chocolate-please\/"},"modified":"2025-06-17T13:10:00","modified_gmt":"2025-06-17T13:10:00","slug":"write-of-passage-sexual-chocolate-please","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/06\/17\/write-of-passage-sexual-chocolate-please\/","title":{"rendered":"Write of Passage: Sexual Chocolate Please"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-6173-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/166136582\/b0900e6be0cdce352bd041497e9bf235.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/166136582\/b0900e6be0cdce352bd041497e9bf235.mp3\">https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/166136582\/b0900e6be0cdce352bd041497e9bf235.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p><strong>If you don\u2019t recognize the phrase \u201cSexual Chocolate,\u201d then you might be too young or too sheltered\u2014or simply overdue for a viewing of <\/strong><strong><em>Coming to America<\/em><\/strong><strong>. The phrase hails from a hilarious moment in this 1988 cult classic when Prince Akeem (played by Eddie Murphy) attends a church service in Queens hoping to find a \u201cgood woman.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><div id=\"vanes-2367202920\" class=\"vanes-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 2px;margin-right: 2px;margin-bottom: 2px;margin-left: 2px;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\" aria-label=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?fit=1706%2C2560&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1706&ssl=1 1706w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=200%2C300&ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1152&ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1024%2C1536&ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1365%2C2048&ssl=1 1365w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1280&ssl=1 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"569\" height=\"853\"   \/><\/a><\/div>\n<\/p>\n<p><strong>He does find one\u2014but not before the audience is treated to a cringe-worthy performance by a band called Sexual Chocolate, fronted by the deluded Randy Watson (also played by Eddie Murphy in disguise). Randy sings off-key, struts like a super star, and owns the moment.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>He even drops the mic to a silent crowd. Except one diehard fan leaps to his feet, clapping and shouting, \u201cThat boy is good. That boy can sing!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>It\u2019s iconic, ridiculous, and strangely affirming. Because in a world that\u2019s often silent\u2014or even worse, critical\u2014every writer, every artist needs their own version of that one fan in the crowd. Every writer needs a little Sexual Chocolate.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>In today\u2019s publishing landscape, the pressure to produce, perfect, and promote your work can be overwhelming. The road is long, the milestones are often invisible, and the validation? It\u2019s often non-existent.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>And even those at the top of their game need well wishes and love. I send some now to Ali, a real advocate who has people so pressed that find fault over ridiculous things. Ali, you are love and light. Signed, your Atlanta Hype woman.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>That\u2019s where your hype person comes in. We need a cheerleader, someone who sees your potential even when your proses are shaky, your plot is flat, your characters are still finding their rhythm. These cheerleaders shout encouragement when you feel invisible. They believe in your words\u2014even before they\u2019re ready for the world.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>But this kind of fandom isn\u2019t just blind praise. We have rules.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Rule #1: Be Sensitive.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>A good hype person knows the difference between when a writer is ready to hear feedback and when they just need a boost. Some days are for critique; others are for comfort. Sometimes what we need most is for someone to say, \u201cKeep going. I see you. You\u2019ve got this.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Rule #2: Be Strategic.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Cheering doesn\u2019t mean enabling bad decisions. Don\u2019t let your writer friend send out a draft that isn\u2019t ready. Don\u2019t let them self-sabotage by skipping the hard (but necessary) parts of the process\u2014like working with an editor, developing a marketing plan, or cultivating industry relationships. Praise their progress, yes. But also give gentle nudges to help them remember to do the work that success requires.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Rule #3: Know Their Creative Love Language.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Every writer is fueled by different things. Some need words of affirmation. Some need gifts (like good chocolate, please and thank you). Some need a like or share of a post. Some need you telling one person or one library about their books.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Others need quality time\u2014just someone to sit with them in the mess and say, \u201cYou\u2019re not alone.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>The truth is, even the strongest voices waver. Even the most confident writers have moments of doubt. That\u2019s why it\u2019s more important than ever to be a person in someone else\u2019s corner. Check in on your writer friends. Call up the creatives. Remind them they\u2019re not crazy for chasing the dream, battling blank pages, or daring to tell a story that hasn\u2019t been told before.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>So today, be someone\u2019s fan. No matter how off-key they feel, your belief in them might be the thing that gets them through.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Now say it with me: <\/strong><strong><em>That writer can write.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Some books to help us be better encouragers are:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/p\/books\/keep-moving-notes-on-loss-creativity-and-change-maggie-smith\/12581864?ean=9781982132071&#038;next=t\"><strong>Keep Moving<\/strong><\/a><strong> by Maggie Smith it\u2019s<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>a collection of affirmations and reflections that feel like encouragement from a friend.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/p\/books\/untamed-glennon-doyle\/9568109?ean=9781984801258&#038;next=t\"><strong>Untamed by Glennon Doyle<\/strong><\/a><strong> is especially for women creatives, teaching how to step into your power\u2014and to surround yourself with people who cheer for you, the fully realized version of yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/kindredstorieshtx.com\/products\/pre-order-the-light-we-carry-overcoming-in-uncertain-times-by-michelle-obama?_pos=1&#038;_sid=1ac1ba9e8&#038;_ss=r\"><strong>The Light We Carry<\/strong><\/a><strong> by Michelle Obama is not just for writers but this beautiful meditation offers hope and helps us navigating tough seasons.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>This week, I&#8217;m highlighting <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/kindredstorieshtx.com\"><strong>Kindred Stories<\/strong><\/a><strong> through their website and <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/shop\/kindredstories\"><strong>Bookshop.org<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Help me build momentum for <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\">Fire Sword and Sea<\/a>\u2014spread the word and preorder this disruptive narrative about female pirates in the 1600s. This sweeping saga releases January 13, 2026. The link on my website shows retailers large and small who have set up preorder.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Show notes include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, <\/strong><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanessariley.com\/\"><strong>VanessaRiley.com<\/strong><\/a><strong> under the podcast link in the About tab.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>You can guess my love language? Go ahead and like this episode and subscribe to <\/strong><strong><em>Write of Passage<\/em><\/strong><strong> so you never miss a moment.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you\u2019ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This is a public episode. If you&#8217;d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#038;utm_campaign=CTA_2\">vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe<\/a><\/p>\n<div id=\"vanes-245317272\" class=\"vanes-after-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 3px;margin-right: 3px;margin-bottom: 3px;margin-left: 3px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?fit=1080%2C1350&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Listen to the Write of Passage Weekly Podcast\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?w=1080&ssl=1 1080w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=240%2C300&ssl=1 240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=819%2C1024&ssl=1 819w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=768%2C960&ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"540\" height=\"675\"   \/><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you don\u2019t recognize the phrase \u201cSexual Chocolate,\u201d then you might be too young or too sheltered\u2014or simply overdue for a viewing of Coming to America. The phrase hails from a hilarious moment in this 1988 cult classic when Prince Akeem (played by Eddie Murphy) attends a church service in Queens hoping to find a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6204,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[81,793,9,620,756,694],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-stories","category-politics","category-recommended-reading","category-syndication","category-technology","category-tv-and-film"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/d83517c49c35db3a6128577b4bab2495.jpg?fit=728%2C410&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6173"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6173\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6204"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}