{"id":6172,"date":"2025-06-24T13:10:00","date_gmt":"2025-06-24T13:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/06\/24\/write-of-passage-when-the-plan-falls-apart\/"},"modified":"2025-06-24T13:10:00","modified_gmt":"2025-06-24T13:10:00","slug":"write-of-passage-when-the-plan-falls-apart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/2025\/06\/24\/write-of-passage-when-the-plan-falls-apart\/","title":{"rendered":"Write of Passage: When the Plan Falls Apart"},"content":{"rendered":"<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-6172-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/166705056\/e6fc9d149ad370b1d2ae5e4ad2cf73c2.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/166705056\/e6fc9d149ad370b1d2ae5e4ad2cf73c2.mp3\">https:\/\/api.substack.com\/feed\/podcast\/166705056\/e6fc9d149ad370b1d2ae5e4ad2cf73c2.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>It probably won\u2019t surprise you\u2014at least not once you\u2019ve met me\u2014that I\u2019m a planner. My name is Vanessa Riley, and I\u2019m a <em>serial<\/em> planner. There isn\u2019t an outline I don\u2019t love, nor a spreadsheet that doesn\u2019t call my name. <\/p><div id=\"vanes-327907054\" class=\"vanes-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 2px;margin-right: 2px;margin-bottom: 2px;margin-left: 2px;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\" aria-label=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?fit=1706%2C2560&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Fire Sword &amp; Sea\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1706&ssl=1 1706w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=200%2C300&ssl=1 200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=683%2C1024&ssl=1 683w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1152&ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1024%2C1536&ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?resize=1365%2C2048&ssl=1 1365w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/FireSwordSea_HC-scaled.jpg?w=1280&ssl=1 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"569\" height=\"853\"   \/><\/a><\/div>\n<p>If I could design a map of a map of a map of systems accompanied by a flowchart\u2014I\u2019d consider it bliss. Come to one of my book events and ask what kind of person or writer I am, and I\u2019ll often tell you: I\u2019m a nerd\u2019s nerd, a meticulous nerd. That\u2019s right\u2014pocket protector-level nerd. I love formulas and systems. I love figuring things out and then optimizing them.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Because we only get so much energy, so much time, and so many resources in this life. I want every ounce I give to have maximum effect. If you can show me how to reach more people, make more impact, or spark more meaningful change, I\u2019m listening. I\u2019m all in.<\/p>\n<p>But what happens when the plan doesn\u2019t work?<\/p>\n<p>Devastation. Armageddon. World War 3. In other words, I don\u2019t take it well.<\/p>\n<p>Yet I listened to Meghan Sussex, yes Meghan Markle on the <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/search?client=safari&#038;cs=0&#038;sca_esv=7abcf342f98a874b&#038;q=Emma+Grede&#038;sa=X&#038;ved=2ahUKEwjAm_PzpomOAxXAjIkEHbW2JkkQxccNegQIBBAC&#038;mstk=AUtExfCMR15MVKepFH-6k4Zxdb_GpvOoZWAl6_ucQQJaOxNIl-U5dDp-IAFiT7ZryaB2DLyLRupSVN7DqK2EblVrktJaVG6VU3GwKebXll2jQbcFBq5ZoONMFwLPx2ITm5FCm1VJX4xYkD_QFH6Vc87uDNFlvWIdlJY2zHhewoplEbLJlxo&#038;csui=3\">Emma Grede<\/a>\u2019s podcast, Aspire, talking about failing as winning.<\/p>\n<p>It sounds crazy at first.<\/p>\n<p>I mean carefully charted course falls apart. How is it winning, when something completely unexpected hijacks your progress and leaves you scrambling? For those who \u201cpants\u201d their way through books\u2014that is, write without plotting\u2014this kind of disruption might just feel like a quirky detour. But for a planner? It\u2019s devastating.<\/p>\n<p>Life is unpredictable and messy. You pour energy into structure and logic and find out the world has other ideas.<\/p>\n<p>And if the detour is because of people\u2014 you know the ones who don\u2019t behave the way you think they should. Those people who\u2019ve bought into that notion called free will, it can be devastating.<\/p>\n<p>You don\u2019t know who to trust. Or if you should trust it all. If the past year has taught us anything, it\u2019s that people often act in ways that defy their own interests. They cling to ideals or narratives that make sense only to them. And we have to let them. As a famous poet, Bobby Brown used to insist, that\u2019s their prerogative.<\/p>\n<p>For those of you who know the chaos of watching a plan implode, I see you. I\u2019ve lived that upheaval, and I want to offer a few steps I\u2019ve found helpful:<\/p>\n<p>1. You did your best.<\/p>\n<p>Even if the outcome wasn\u2019t what you expected, you gave it your all. The plan didn\u2019t play out perfectly, but you showed up. You tried. And it\u2019s OK to take a moment to lick your wounds.<\/p>\n<p>2. Mourn what was built and what was lost.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s perfectly valid to grieve the work, the dream, or the strategy that didn\u2019t survive. Tend to your mental health. Sometimes, starting over means burning what didn\u2019t work to the ground. This can feel extreme, but it\u2019s also freeing. When ego is stripped away, what\u2019s left is humility, hunger, and a wide-open future.<\/p>\n<p>3. Learn the lessons.<\/p>\n<p>Every failure teaches us something. Maybe you trusted someone you shouldn\u2019t have. Or maybe you missed an opportunity to include a partner who would have made all the difference. The lesson might be to trust more wisely. One of the best lessons is to pay attention not just to the bottom line, but to everyone on all sides.<\/p>\n<p>4. Stopping is not quit.<\/p>\n<p>Unless you\u2019re physically in the grave, the game is not over. You might feel tired. You might feel lost. But you are not done. Separate the strategy from the strategist. It\u2019s not a failure if you\u2019ve learned to do better.<\/p>\n<p>5. It\u2019s okay to begin again.<\/p>\n<p>Being brand new is not failure\u2014it\u2019s freedom. There\u2019s a joy in learning, in discovering new spaces, in making new connections. Walking away and choosing the right season to begin again is a win.<\/p>\n<p>6. Accept that all spaces aren\u2019t meant for you.<\/p>\n<p>When I look at that portrait of Ruby Bridges (<em>The problem we all live with<\/em>), as she\u2019s being escorted by guards to integrate a classroom\u2014people are screaming, writing nastiness on walls. But she and her parents decided that was the place for Ruby to be.<\/p>\n<p>Honestly, I don\u2019t know if I\u2019d make the same call. Ruby\u2019s treatment was horrific. Adults who should be protecting children were monsters in plain sight.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s hard. I\u2019d question if that sacrifice is worth my peace?<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, the brutal truth is that the path you planned wasn\u2019t yours. Stopping doesn\u2019t mean you lost. It might mean you\u2019re closer to the path that you\u2019re meant to take. And in this day and age, that place needs to be loving, edifying, and safe. You have to feel you can bring <em>all<\/em> of you, not just fragments. Not just 50% of your gifts. All or nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Writers know this well. Sometimes, we have to throw out what doesn\u2019t work. I deleted 50,000 words from a manuscript that wasn\u2019t working. That kind of heartbreak required ice cream and chocolate, and maybe a few deep sighs\u2014but it made the book stronger. With my upcoming novel <em>Fire Sword and Sea<\/em>, the original plan didn\u2019t hold. It took me two years, and several rewrites, to get it right.<\/p>\n<p>Because I\u2019m writing about real people\u2014Pirates Jacquotte Delahaye, Michel Le Basque, Anne Dieu-Le-Veut, Laurens De Graaf and others from the 1600s\u2014I owe it to them, and to my readers, to go the extra mile. You have to be will to pay the price to create value, something of lasting meaning.<\/p>\n<p>If it\u2019s worthwhile, it\u2019s worth the effort. A good book is worth the effort. And you? You\u2019re worth everything it takes to reach your dreams.<\/p>\n<p>You know those dreams\u2014the ones that keep you up at night, the ones you see in vivid color when your eyes finally close. These dreams call to you for a reason. And I believe you can do it. I\u2019m counting on you. I know you can win.<\/p>\n<p>Books to help you on your journey:<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p>Meghan Sussex recommends <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/parnassusbooks.net\/book\/9780735211292\">Atomic Habits<\/a> by James Clear. It\u2019s is a practical guide to transforming your life by making small, consistent changes that compound into remarkable results.<\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/parnassusbooks.net\/book\/9781611803433\">When Things Fall Apart<\/a> by Pema Ch\u00f6dr\u00f6n<\/p>\n<p>\u2013 Wisdom for moments when your plan shatters and you need spiritual grounding<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p>.<\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/parnassusbooks.net\/book\/9781984818324\">Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle<\/a> by Emily Nagoski &#038; Amelia Nagoski<\/p>\n<p>\u2013 For the serial planner who\u2019s burnt out and doesn\u2019t know why. It\u2019s a guide to recovering your energy and agency.<\/p>\n<p>This week, I&#8217;m highlighting <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/parnassusbooks.net\/\">Parnassus Books<\/a> through their website and <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/parnassusbooks.net\/\">Bookshop.org<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Help me build momentum for <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/fireswordandsea.htm\">Fire Sword and Sea<\/a>\u2014spread the word and preorder this disruptive narrative about female pirates in the 1600s. This sweeping saga releases January 13, 2026. The link on my website shows retailers large and small who have set up preorders.<\/p>\n<p>Show notes include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast.<\/p>\n<p>You can find my notes on Substack or on my website, <a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.vanessariley.com\/\">VanessaRiley.com<\/a> under the podcast link in the About tab.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Let&#8217;s keep rising and creating together\u2014like, subscribe, and share. Stay connected to <\/strong><strong><em>Write of Passage<\/em><\/strong><strong>.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you\u2019ll come again. This is Vanessa Riley<\/p>\n<p>This is a public episode. If you&#8217;d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit <a href=\"https:\/\/vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&#038;utm_campaign=CTA_2\">vanessariley.substack.com\/subscribe<\/a><\/p>\n<div id=\"vanes-668138795\" class=\"vanes-after-content vanes-entity-placement\" style=\"margin-top: 3px;margin-right: 3px;margin-bottom: 3px;margin-left: 3px;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?fit=1080%2C1350&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Listen to the Write of Passage Weekly Podcast\"  srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?w=1080&ssl=1 1080w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=240%2C300&ssl=1 240w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=819%2C1024&ssl=1 819w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/SubstackAd.png?resize=768%2C960&ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" width=\"540\" height=\"675\"   \/><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It probably won\u2019t surprise you\u2014at least not once you\u2019ve met me\u2014that I\u2019m a planner. My name is Vanessa Riley, and I\u2019m a serial planner. There isn\u2019t an outline I don\u2019t love, nor a spreadsheet that doesn\u2019t call my name. If I could design a map of a map of a map of systems accompanied by [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6203,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[81,793,9,620,756,694],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6172","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-stories","category-politics","category-recommended-reading","category-syndication","category-technology","category-tv-and-film"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/7338a89eb1507e2d9b0e9b122d8d7171-scaled.jpg?fit=1920%2C2560&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6172"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6172\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vanessariley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}